My New Laptop

Waiting, my hands lovingly stroking the keyboard of my intended. I read the description again. RAM, GB, processor, all that computer lingo that could really jazz a girl up if she understood the half of it, rather than the bright shiny light attraction that is the real reason she's about to put her money where her mouth is.

I wait for the beardless sales boy to figure out I'm waiting on him. "Here to buy!" I want to yell out across the store. "Service please!" I'm impatient. No surprise there really. If I were a super hero, I'd be Instant Gratification Girl without the cape. My motto, "Now is not soon enough."

He swaggers over, his geek squad badge riding high on his chest, his pocket protector high on the other side. He is not John Wayne. "Is there anything I can do for you little lady?" he drawls.

I answer gleefully, "I'll take this one."

He gets a look on his face that says he knows that I know that he knows that the only thing I really know about this computer is that the keyboard lights up and that's why I'm buying it. I decide to let him think this even though I know that he knows that I know that he's still a virgin. This as it turns out is besides the point.

And then he does it. Asks the one question that no one should ever ask a woman such as myself . Not if they know better. Not if they know me better.

"So what will you be using this for?" he asks.

I try to keep my mouth shut. I really do. But I'm stuck with the first answer that pops itself inside my head and there is no resisting.

"Porn," I say and smile.