Tomorrow is the Tori Amos concert and while I am somewhere far beyond excited over that fact, the beginning of March this year brings with it an infinite sadness.

I don't believe what they say, that time heals all wounds or that time makes the pain become more bearable. I feel it just as much today as I did last year when my grandmother passed away. I miss her so much and even more when struck by the knowledge, that I will never see her again, hear her voice again or hug her once last time.

All my life my grandma was always right next door. When I was a little girl, I would always spend the entire weekend at her house. Sleeping at night beside her, in her craftmatic adjustable bed, getting me in trouble when she'd catch me messing around with the controls. I remember how sometimes her snoring was so loud, it was hard to get to sleep. Then again, the sound of her snoring was also reassuring and made me feel safe.

Even now, I can't make a spaghetti dinner without thinking of her, remembering how she taught me to make meat balls. Rolling each little ball into perfect circles, one after another. Or how, when I make KC her favorite soup, memories flood back of how she always made it for me, because it was my favorite. It's like her ghost is beside me in the kitchen, standing beside me whispering softly.

When my grandmother passed away, my sister Amy and I, were mere hours from her bedside. We drove all night to try to make it back in time for that last goodbye. Although we didn't it know it then, we were somewere in Kentucky when our grandmother took her last breath. It was so unreal, the morning we got there. Our father, gently pulling us aside and letting us know she was gone.

I didn't want it to be true, there was so much I had left to say. I remember the last time I spoke with her, a short week before her death. Towards the end, her alsheimer's was pretty bad and sometimes recalling something from the past would jog her memory if only for a brief moment. So when I said goodbye that day, I told her ... "I love you a bushel and a peck." to which she finished, "and a hug around the neck." And that was the very last conversation we ever had. I just wish with everything in my heart, that I had gotten one last hug. I miss her so much and in so many ways it defies explanation.

So tomorrow, if the angels are listening, maybe they'll let me know that she's still keeping a watchful eye over me by having Tori play her cover of "Angie". I love you nana.

Beneath the surface
my thoughts of you linger like
painted images in my mind
Fading echos,
like the setting of the sun
roll gently on the waves that whisper into my ears.

Li manco ...
Per sempre e fino alla conclusione di tempo, il mio amore sara eternal.
~ Stacey
Today was an extremely sad day in the world of make believe. Best known for his zippered cardigan, tennis sneakers and his own personal theme song, the passing of Mr. Rogers brings a close to the era of the friendly neighbor next door. Somehow a world without him just won't seem the same.

Emma is sitting on top of the computer tonight, her favorite place as of late. But it beats her old favorite spot which was exactly in front of the monitor. She was completely insane trying to catch the mouse as I navigated my way around the web, which of course made the navigating all the more difficult.

There is absolutely nothing to report today. It was dull times a hundred. I did pull a sweet maneuver today and managed to get an invite to dinner over at Dad's house. I thought I had planned it pretty well, until learning the menu was meatloaf stuffed with spinach. Ugh ... I should have just cooked myself. Oh well, at least there was no messy clean up.

It's 4 below this morning and the back of my throat is starting to feel like sandpaper. Considering that I took a fake sick day last Friday, getting sick now would be the ultimate pisser! Especially when there are only 4 more days until the Tori concert and no way, no how can I even think about getting sick! I better take the long way to work and stock up on my orange juice and echinacea.

Just because you never wanted to know ...

My favorite color is a deep, rich chocolate brown ... Which also happens to be the current color of my bedroom walls. I absolutely love my bedroom. Mostly because I am in love with my bed or actually the concept of my bed and staying in bed which of course leads to my favorite past time ... Sleeping. Ahh, give me a nice warm afghan, a cup of cocoa and a good book any day of the week and I promise that is where you'll find me ...

I am mostly of Italian and Sicilian decent although in fairness to my mother, I am also English, Welsh and Czechloslovakian ... Which means that I can cook anything Italian extremely well, am fluent in rude hand gestures, get irritated at people who ask for "EYE talian" dressing, and am related to just about everyone I run into at the grocery store whether I know them or not.

I have 3 sisters. I am the youngest, the middle, and the second oldest child. Which makes sense when broken down like this ... I am my mother's youngest child, I am my father's middle child, and the second oldest when counting all my sisters. You see, one of my sisters is actually my stepsister but as far as we are all concerned, we are all sisters ... No step, no half, just sisters ... end of story FAMILY. Which of course, is how it should be.

My sisters are very diverse. Amy (the oldest) works with the elderly, Audrey (3rd oldest) is currently attending art school,and Jodi (the youngest) is a senior in high school on the verge of graduating. Little ole me, is a white collar girl working in a blue collar world and for the most part not complaining.

On the music scene, Tori Amos is my absolute favorite artist. (In case there was anyone who hasn't yet figured that out from all my previous posting.) But I like absolutely everything, except the country song where the guy is singing about his tractor being sexy ... That is just so not right.

I believe that everyone needs a theme song or a motto of some sort. Theme songs for me though, have their moment and then sooner or later are replaced with an updated song for where I am in my life. When I first had my daughter and realized that I was going to be raising her on my own my theme song of course was, "I Will Survive" and believe it or not I played that song every time I started getting depressed or discouraged. 7 years later, I'd say that it has worked. Currently my song is called "Wednesday" a cute little ditty by Tori which pretty much sums up my life at this given moment.

Nothing here to fear
I'm just sitting around
being foolish when
there is work to be done
Just a hang-up call
and the quiet breathing
of our Persian we call
Cajun on a Wednesday

so we go from year to year
with secrets we've been keeping
Though you say you're not a Templar man

Seems as if we're circling
for very different reasons
But one day the Eagle has to land

Out past the fountain
a left by the station
I start the day in the usual way
Then think -- well why not --
and stop for a coffee
then begin to recall
things that you say

No one's at the door
You suggest a ghost
perhaps a phantom
I agree with this in part
Something is with us
I can't put my finger on --
is Thumbelina size 10
on a Wednesday --

So we go from year to year
with secrets we've been keeping
Though you say you're not a Templar man

you tell me to cheer up
you suspect we're oddly even
Even still the Eagle has to land

Out past the fountain
a left by the station
I start the day in the usual way
Then think -- well why not --
and stop for a coffee
then begin to recall
things that you say

Pluck up the courage
and snap
It's gone again
I start humming "When Doves Cry"
Can someone help me
I think that I'm Lost here
Lost in a place called America


It is slightly disheartening that according to my counter there is a very limited ... Well, to be honest. an absolute lack of activity on my blog. Maybe I'll take to walking the streets with a sandwhich board promoting Naked ... You know I really thought people would take the bait with my title. But evidently, the word "Naked" has seen its hayday ... Regardless, this blog will plug on with or without a reading audience. It will be depressing but I've got broad shoulders, I can handle it ... (Note - I don't actually have broad shoulders, I just like that saying.)

I forgot to mention how well the minor child's sleepover went the other night. It was complete torture! OK, I may be being a tad bit overdramatic here. Actually, it wasn't all that bad. I ended up setting up my pop tent in KC's room and the girls had a campout complete with dinner and a movie. Considering how late they stayed up, I thought I was in the free and clear for sleeping in on Saturday morning.

I couldn't have been more wrong. They were up before the sun even had a chance to rise. 6 a.m. and all I could hear was the pitter patter of two sets of little feet outside my bedroom door. Which would have been all well and good, if it hadn't been accompanied by the loudest whispering I have ever heard. (An oxymoron to be sure.) I did my best to ignore them as long as possible but it wasn't to be. Little stomachs were growling and in need of breakfast.

So grumbling all the way down the stairs, my eyes barely open I made my way to the kitchen where I found much to my chagrin that, "Damn!" I was out of cereal. So there I was at 6 something in the morning, making angel pancakes for the little darlings as they lay snug as a bug in the living room, giggling over cartoons. How could I not be a little envious, especially when I was stuck out in the kitchen cooking, wishing to be back in bed?

But the day couldn't last forever and sooner that it seemed, Jan's father came to retrieve her. The good news was she had a great visit, the bad news is ... She wants to come over again. At this rate, it looks as if sleeping in on the weekends could soon become a thing of the past.

Sleep was her fetish, panacea and art. ~ Mary Webb, Gone to Earth (1917)
That my friends was a very short intermission and a wonderful performance by COLDPLAY. Now that is what I like to see, an artist really getting into his song and sounding good while he's doing it. Another commercial break and I'm starting to figure out that this award show is going to be an all night sort of deal. I'm probably going to stick it out right up to the end but only for one small reason ... I heard rumor that Tori was supposed to make an appearance although the beginning credits have led me to believe that most likely that will not be the case.

Very sad indeed, considering the amount of talent TORI AMOS has in comparison with half of these morons taking the stage tonight. Alright so I am a little bias but it really torches me that she doesn't get the appreciation she deserves. If it were up to me, and sometimes I swear it should be, Tori would be lining her shelves with every Grammy award I could give her. Oh well, play on playa.
UGH!!!! This is absolutely completely ridiculous! I have been gearing up to watch the Grammy's for the last couple of weeks only to realize in the past hour all the hype was for NOTHING! Who the heck scripted this show? Evidently someone who likes to kill the joy of surprise. Hmmm ... How else would they come up with the idea to make sure that the award recipient was the act that just played.

And how, I ask you HOW is it possible that that little Dave Matthew wanna be, weird face singing John Mayer won out over James Taylor? JT is an angel with a guitar, every song has a way of touching your heart and yet ... They give it to some little bubble gum popping goon singing about how your body is a wonderland. Funny, I didn't see that ride at Disney ... I had to call my sister and scream at someone over that debacle. You know James Taylor had to be thinking, "You got to be kidding."

As for Dustin Hoffman, I have never understood why they feel the need to incorporate movie people in a music award show ... What is the point? How about that Bruce Spingstreet ... Temporary break people, COLDPLAY is on ... Most awesome group and most awesome song ... Of course, not a group I'd recommend for the clinically depressed.

** INTERMISSION **
I should be ashamed of myself ... But I'm not. My bad shoulder angel finally got the best of me and forced me to call into work SICK today. Actually, I guess I had already made up my mind yesterday to go ahead with my devious plan. But you know, I earned those sick days and I deserve to take one for my mental health every now and then, just to keep up on my sanity. (Sad, isn't it ... I can't even play hookey without feeling a twinge of guilt.)

So I've gotten a ton of things done today. Namely the chores I didn't quite finish the other night as well as finally getting my death trap ... er, I mean car fixed after months of trying to procure the money for the big operation. The white jelly bean is fully fuctional and ready to drive!

I also have to admit to having one severely guilty moment when in passing, I noticed Jerry Springer was on. Now in my defense, that was the first time in I don't even know how many years that I have seen that little bit of trash. But let me tell you, funny was not even the word. Where do they find those sad, pathetic people? I couldn't quite make up my mind whether they really were as trashy as they seemed or if they were really paid actors in need of a gig. Personal opinion says they're actors only because if these are real people then we should all be really, really afraid.


I think I have finally conquered my archive issues! Woo Hoo! I can barely stand the excitement. Tonight unfortunately has become a designated clean the house night. Leaving me once again wishing that I had enough money to hire a maid service. Hi, my name is Stacey and I can't throw anything out ... Need I say more? I have figured out that the only way to properly clean out a junk drawer is to dump the drawer and not even look at what hits the trash. This probably will come back to bite me in the ass eventually, but so far so good.

10 wonderful days left until I see TORI AMOS live in concert at the landmark. Life would be perfect if you could hear Tori on the radio more than once every blue moon. Luckily for me, I have almost every CD including B sides that she has put out. For some reason that reminded me of a radio station we had last summer ... It was All Garth ALL the time ... No kidding ... A radio station devoted to Garth Brooks and no other 24 / 7. That didn't last too long though after the novelty wore off. I of course was sad to see it go. What can I say, I'm Shameless. (As proven by that pun.)

Here's to a fun filled evening of domestic bliss.
Alright the whole missing archive dilemma is getting to be a royal pain in the arse. Evidently I am still doing something wrong. Aarrrgh!
You know I just hate it when I get distracted and forget that I am in the middle of cooking dinner! By the time I remembered tonight, dinner was already a hopelessly charred mess stuck to the bottom of the pan. Darn, darn and double darn!

However, it's so not my fault! I blame Emma! The darn cat took forever before getting around to letting me know that the kitchen was two seconds away from being a complete inferno. Normally she meows like a screaming banshee after the first sign of smoke, but evidently she decided to take the night off. Hence a main course of PBJ and not the broccoli rice stir fry originally planned.

I spent half my day at work today trying to find one single solitary person who posessed an intimate knowledge of the world of goldfish. Much to my surprise, not one person there could answer my question of what exactly happened to Squiggy while I was away last week. Well, not from a scientific standpoint anyway, however bets were high that my sister pulled the old switcheroo trick.

Which means that Squiggy isn't really Squiggy at all but an imposter, and not a very convincing one at that. Let's recap ... Before Atlanta, Squiggy was white and orange ... After Atlanta, Squiggy is completely white. No! I am not renaming him Michael Jackson, as someone earlier mentioned I should do ... That is SO not even right. I'm thinking LaVerne ... Hmmm ... Can we see a theme here? Other than that work was rather dull today. I did a couple of cold calls but limited myself to 8 as I didn't want to overtax myself. Heh heh heh ... Life is truly going to suck when all this snow melts and the switch goes on ...

KC is at her father's tonight, so I am on a 2 day reprieve until Friday when she will be hosting her very first sleepover. Something tells me I am in for a very rude awakening. Oh well, I just need to get my ducks in order and come up with plenty of activities to occupy them long enough until they can't help but let sleep take over or their parents arrive to pick them up. Maybe I should think about taking off Monday ... After all, any excuse will do.
Seriously wondering what my chances are of calling out due to inclement weather and being believed ... Slim or none ... Hmmmm ...

High Ho ... It's off to work I go ...
Well, I have to admit it ... I did watch the final episode of Joe Smoe the Millionaire ... And I have to say that although he did come across national television as a complete oaf, at least he made the right decision in the woman he chose.

Now I could be wrong of course, since everyone knows that there is so much tweaking on these kind of shows that you really can't believe everything you see; but it seems to me that Zora was genuinely a nice all around sort of person. Not to mention I felt a sort of cold kinship with her when she was explaining the ways she has helped to heat her apartment ... I remember those days well, minus the melted blinds of course. Heck, I still leave the oven open after I have finished cooking so I don't waste any heat. Don't judge! I live in Upstate NY people, it's damn cold and it beats breaking out the parka!

The ending however certainly worked out to everyone's advantage ... Not only does Joe get the girl but they both get a share in the surprise million. SWEET! Could life really get any better for this weeks reality couple? This of course not a question you would want to hear answered by any of the duped rejects. Now that could get ugly, really, really, really ugly.

But like all relationships, the true test will be to see if they can withstand the test of time. Personally, I would love to see Zora's fairy tale move on into the happily ever after stage. It would be nice to know that somewhere in the world there is still a little moonlight magic left.
Calgon Take Me Away!!!

Last night I posted in great detail a very stinging post regarding my EX and his idiotic ways ... However, now that some time has passed, I have finally cooled off enough to the point where I don't really feel like wasting precious space on my blog to blast him. Which is not to say that he doesn't deserve a 5 page disertation filled with four letter swear words in his honor ... Actually I have a feeling it would be quite a bit longer than that ... But in the end it would be Much Ado About Nothing ... and believe me when I say that the NOTHING is stressed. Maturity for some people is not a prerequisite with age.
Tonight is a night for thinking. How long has it been since you last sat with your thoughts? Tonight lay out your plans, your dreams and expectations on the living room floor for only you to see. Sit there with an afghan pulled round your shoulder, listening to the way the soft, gentle thrumming of your music colors your background. Maybe have a glass of red, red wine or settle in for a cold winter's night with a mug of hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream. Savor the simple pleasures of just being in the moment as the moment occurrs. Tonight I am content to be here, at home by myself, with only my thoughts to keep me company.

The woods were made for the hunters of dreams
The brooks for the fisher of song
To the hunters who hunt for the gunless game
The streams and the woods belong.
~ Sam Walter Foss

** 2-19-03 **
Someone has been reading way too much Sarah Ban Breathnach lately. We now return you back to reality.
I cannot sleep though I am now somewhere far beyond tired. I think 3 nights in posh digs have done me in for the flat non fluffy pillows I have here at home. I want the ones I had at the hotel, full of feathers and soft as an angels kiss. Comfort like that I could get used to. Not to mention excellent maid service. How nice it would be to get up every day and know someone else had to make the bed.

So today is or was (depending on how you want to look at it) Valentine's Day. Now I could take the single female approach and say Valentine's Day sucks. But who would I really be fooling? It doesn't suck at all ... Well, that is if you're not single! Oh the injustice of it all to have such a holiday and not have a single person to share it with. Hmmm ... That's kind of silly now that I think of it, considering the state of the world these days. But just like the song says, "All you need is love."

Now I know I really need sleep, any second I may just start trying to wax poetic. Although I am quite sure as I say that, that I may be wrong with how that phrase really goes. I spent half of my 28 years saying "Fish out of luck" rather than the correct adage "Fresh out of luck" ... Which proves my point that PERCEPTION is indeed everything ... and just occassionally you might happen to be wrong. More people should make a mental note of that fact.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Thursday night and it feels like forever since I last wrote ... It really sucks not having a laptop when you go away on a business trip ... I have spent the last 4 days in sunny, warm Atlanta, Georgia ... Although the natives didn't think it was as warm as I did ... They were amazed by my daily lack of coat ... How do you explain to someone who considers a "Southern Winter" cold that they have absolutely no idea what cold really is?

But I am completely BEAT! Not only did I have to deal with a turbulent airplane ride but I also went through the Albany airport which meant an additional two and a half hours of driving time just to get home. I'm so happy to be home and about to go to sleep in my own bed ...

One quick note of concern here however ... Not only did my poor cat not handle me being gone well but evidently Squiggy the fish had trouble coping as well ... I'm not quite sure what happened but the darn fish went albino on me in the couple of days I was gone ... Very strange indeed!
It's Sunday morning which in this house means French Toast for breakfast. The minor child is quite anxious that I make this a quick trip online in order for the food preparation to begin. Little does she know I am in the process of adding a counter to my page here to see if anyone out there is actually reading this ... Other than myself that is.

Having said that and made the necessary changes to the template of said page, let's give this thing a test run and see what happens.

Happy French Toast Day everyone!
Hello Weekend ... I'm so happy to see you!

What a wonderful Friday. The baby shower at work went off today with nary a hitch. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it was damn good; attributed to all my hard prep work of course ... Although unfortunately, my balloons shrank a little overnight and weren't as cheerful looking as they should have been. Still on a scale of 1 to 10, it ranks right up there at a 9 ... Extra points for everyone enjoying the lasanga I made and not a single case of food poisoning.

I have oodles of things to do this weekend. I need to run into town at some point and do my banking, then run in the completely opposite direction to buy a pair of new dress shoes for an upcoming business trip ... Then I need to pack, get KC packed to go stay with my oldest sister Amy and see if either my father or my youngest sister Jodi will be kind enough to feed Squiggy and Emma while I am gone to warmer climates. All this while trying to calm my nerves from my small insecurities of flying and being in strange, unknown places. Now I just need to get my townhouse mates to gather my mail and look over the rest of things while I am away. Goodness, you'd think I was going away for a month and not just a couple of days. Well, it never hurts to be extra prepared.

KC is in trouble at the moment, she had a bit of a listening issue and is now suffering in silence upstairs on a time out. Someday she will figure out that just by listening alone, she could eradicate half of her problems ... Until that time however, she'll just need to spend a little more time contemplating the error of her ways. Not likely, like her mother she is far too stubborn for her own good. Sometimes it makes me almost want to laugh, I see so much of myself in her, right down to the same stubborn lift of her chin and the flaring nostrils when she gets angry. Note people ... When you're parents tell you as a child that someday you'll grow up to have a child like yourself ... They aren't lying! My advice, listen wisely and play nice.
I just caught the tail end of American Idol 2 and all I can say is HOKEY! What on earth were they thinking? Not only are more than half of them incapable of singing on key but since when did Come to My Window inspire group singing? You just know Simon had to be sitting over at the judge's table thinking, "Oh God. Just please let them stop." Although his thoughts most likely went beyond my G rating and I for one wouldn't blame him a bit.

Tonight was ED night and if you don't watch ED then how could you possibly know what a great show you are missing! Molly lived a little bit for all of us single girls tonight when she managed to earn an invite to the firehouse and subsequently got to ride on the big rig itself. Talk about being in the right element ... I'd be pulling a Brer Rabbit given that kind of opportunity. "Oh no, please ... You can do anything but Puh-lease don't put me in that there Briar fire station." Heh heh ... I'll take one of those, and those, and I think that ... Etc., etc., etc. I'm thinking you get my point here.

I was checking my cell phone for messages earlier and I was actually surprised to find one that I had somehow managed to overlook. Word to the wise ... Caller ID people! Hello? It took me all of two seconds to figure out what idiot (loving term, of course) was responsible for the heavy breathing message. But seriously my strangely demented and twisted friend, wasn't it just a bit early for that kind of thing? But then again, I am reminded of who it is I am speaking about, for surely you are the MaGuiver (am I even close to the correct spelling?) of the everything and anything can be converted into a subject reeking of sexual context man. One word ... Issues, my boy, issues. However, I must admit I find said messages to be extremely amusing ... Anything that starts my day out with a smile works for me.

**Winter Storm Warning in Effect ... YUCKY ... They are forecasting 6" or more of the nasty white stuff ... I really need to start thinking of moving someplace warmer. **
Somewhere something in my house is beeping. Not the every other second kind of beep but a random every once in a while sort of beep ... Which if you ask me is far more disturbing. Disturbing because ... one I can't determine where the beep is coming from and two, I can't for the life of me figure out what it is that could possibly be beeping.

I actually went from room to room earlier trying to locate said mysterious beep, because it really started to freak me out. My imagination of course moving full throttle to picture some creepy little man hiding out in one of the upstairs bedrooms.

(When) Suddenly his watch beeper goes off, forcing him to abandon his hiding spot. He tears down the stairs as I stand there in surprise. But I am only stunned for a moment before my adrenaline kicks in and I am spurred into action! Wham, bam, kerpow! And the intruder is toast to my superior brand of whoop ass. I raise my arms in victory as the Rocky theme song begins to play and call out at the top of my lungs, "Yo Adrienne!"
End imagination sequence.

On that note, I am calling it a night and heading for bed and the only mysterious beep I am going to concern myself with, is the one that will be going off at 5:30 tomorrow morning. I'm already dreading having to get up!

**Alarm clock log**
5:30 a.m. buzzer Snoozed until 6 a.m. and then up bright as a button
Terrific showing for a Tuesday.
Yet another step on the road to moving on and getting over it ... eventually.

Today I cleaned out my email files at work because I have a tendency to not double delete them when I should. It was amazing how many I had stashed away like a little pack rat. Some made me wonder why on earth I had even bothered to read them, let alone save them and others brought wistful smiles to my face. But I took a big step today, although granted in the scheme of things, it probably only counts as a minor baby one ...

Today was the day that marked the deletion of All Things Nick . Not his real name of course, but for all intents and purposes close enough for me to get my point across. At first I was tentative with my delete key, reading each cherished email one by one before silently clicking on the button that would make it all go away. But as the emails began to trickle down into numbers far less than when I started, it began to get easier. As if getting rid of the tangible memories freed me to let him start becoming a thing of my past.

Which doesn't mean that it didn't hurt, because it did in this odd hollow sort of way. But that's the thing about growing up, you learn as you go ... Sometimes you know you have to do the things that are going to hurt, just because it's the right thing to do. In my own way, I will always love Nick. He was everything I ever thought I wanted and needed in a man. His friendship, his encouragement and everything that makes him who he is, is something I came to value, and I know I will miss him as a constant presence in my life. Elton John may have thought that "Sorry, seems to be the hardest word." but in reality, I think goodbye is at best the hardest. Sorry after all, gives you a jumping off point from which to start again, goodbye is always the end.

I can only hope that someday Nick will be able to forgive my cowards way out of not saying goodbye. I guess I was hoping that maybe I shared the same amount of importance in his life, as he did in mine and maybe he'd find that he missed me more than he thought he would or even could. I never said I wasn't still willing to hold out for hope. But, even I know that fairy tale endings aren't for everyone and that's why I didn't bother with the goodbye, because what I really wanted to hear was an answering hello. Not the fairest thing I have ever done and maybe not even the wisest but probably the only choice that I can honestly say I have ever made for myself alone. I just wish that I could forget all about you, maybe then I wouldn't be missing you so much.

Though nought of me remains save smoke drawn out across the windless sky, yet shall I drift to thee unerringly amid the trackless fields of space. ~ Lady Murasaki, The Tale of Genji (c.1008)
Another Sunday night upon me and already I am trying to think up ways to stay home tomorrow. It's not that I don't like going to work, I do ... It's just that lately I've grown rather homesick and leaving my house even for a short 8 hours is becoming too much to bear. I think perhaps I might be coming down with a mild form of agoraphobia. Then again it could be a delayed case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, in which case I blame the damn Groundhog! The little rat saw his shadow today, pronouncing yet another 6 weeks of fun filled winter weather to come.

Now I love the winter weather just as much as anyone who was born into a cold climate against their will. But the lord only knows what I would do at this moment, to see even the barest hint of green on the ground or tiny buds beginning to open once more on the trees. I am so tired of everything that has to do with winter, from constantly cold soaked feet and runny noses to waking an hour earlier everyday just to give myself enough time to chip away at the ice and snow covering my car. To make matters worse, the heat in my car is on the fritz, barely managing to hit a luke warm temperature so that driving in my car is more comparable to rushing the doggies on a sled. And how I have yet to fix the one windshield wiper that I accidentally broke the other day as I unceremoniously banged it repeatedly trying to get some of the ice off of it. I meant to take care of that this weekend but I forgot to ask my father if he could fix it for me. Yup, you heard me correctly ... I may be smart, funny, strong and independent but when it comes to the upkeep on my car, Daddy is but a phone call away. (Not to mention right down the road from my apartment.)

Actually my father stopped over earlier this afternoon to check in on us and see what we were doing. Not much I am afraid to say, since KC spent half the afternoon napping to catch up on all the sleep she evidently didn't get last night at the slumber party (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) and I was suffering from a severe migraine and doing my best to avoid anything that would make my head pound worse. He tried to rationalize his visit as a means of picking up twenty dollars I owe him for a recently purchased top up card for my cell phone but truth be known he was as eager to hear how KC's first slumber party had gone. My Dad is such a mush ball but then again with four daughters and no sons, he didn't have much of a choice at all. He didn't stay long as he had other things to do but not before he could get in a comment about my newly emptied fish tank.

In addition to my wonderful cat, who thinks she's a dog, I also have the world's largest goldfish named Squiggy. There used to be another goldfish named Lenny but that in itself is another story. Any hoo ... last week I decided that Squiggy, even though enormous, looked very lonely in his 10 gallon aquarium. So being the sensitive soul that I am, I stopped off at the local pet shop the other night to buy him some companionship. Now I took care to explain to the pet shop lady that my Squiggy was no ordinary goldfish but rather something out of a King Kong Takes Manhatten movie ... So trusting in her advice, I selected 6 neons, 6 zebras, 2 guppies, 3 "I don't know what they were" and one big mouth (present company excluded). Little fish as she put it had the ability to school, therefore protecting them from any harm a bigger fish in the same living space might propose to them. All I have to say to that is one word ... LUNCH! Going to show that thirty dollars and the best of intentions still can't buy love.

So my father, kind, loving, wonderful smartass of a man that he is, couldn't quite take his leave without having to bait the already empty hook.

"Nice tank ... Needs more fish."

UGH!!!!!!
Woo Hoo! Today marks exactly one month until I see Tori Amos LIVE in concert!
Yeah it's Saturday! Can't believe I am up this early and without the help of the alarm clock to make it so. I am almost ashamed to post my 2 latest alarm clock logs as I really pushed the snooze button one too many times. My bad. Nothing like calling work on your cell phone as your speeding down a back country road to tell them you're just going to be a few minutes late ... Well, maybe more than a few.

Yesterday I went begging people for money. Surprisingly enough, I was pretty good at pulling in the donations. Hmmm ... Maybe an exciting new career awaits? But for all intents and purposes, I think it was more the reason for the donation rather than any phenomenal skill on my part that pulled in the greenbacks. My friend "C" at work is about to burst a baby out next month, and I am in charge of setting up the "Welcome Baby Bruncheon" for this upcoming Friday. Now normally I am a procrastinator like you wouldn't believe but I have actually almost stayed on top of this planning. The menu has been settled on and designated to willing participants to make, the balloons have been ordered and we have even made strides in the actual gift buying department. Yeah baby!

Yesterday, "L" and I took an extended lunch and ran up to New Hartford to visit the local Toys R Us. Wow! It was my first time in the store since the remodel and boy did I wish to be a kid again. Why does it always seem that everything, even the toy stores are so much better now that I'm not a kid? So unfair! But of course that didn't stop me from enjoying myself and playing around with all the toys as we made our way back to the baby department. "L" refused to let me get too far off track from our purpose so unfortunately I was unable to sample the green "Incredible Hulk" hands that were just begging to be worn. Me thinks another trip may be in order ... Hmmm ...

Anyhoo, which I used to think was strictly an Upstate New York way of saying anyhow, but have found out lately that it seems I haven't coined the term at all, aw shucks ... When we finally made it back to the "So you're having a baby" area, the choices proved to be endless. I tell you everything gets better with time! When I had my daughter 7 years ago, sure we had the portable play pens but they were just your standard pack and go's ... Now these things have so many options, it makes you wonder if you're buying a crib or a fully loaded SUV. They had everything from bassinet inserts, changing pad inserts, pockets to stuff this, that and everything else, wheels for mobility, privacy shades and even a netted dome top to keep out insects and/or provide a bit of shade. A regular mobile home for baby, it was amazing.

And only making it even harder to choose, the colors and patterns these things came in were endless. I myself wanted to go with a green and tan color combination but as "L" pointed out didn't have all the options that "C" had specifically requested. So together we finally decided on "the one" although it took a little rationalizing on both our parts to come to the conclusion that praticality was more important than designer style. Damn rationalization! My only concern with the one we bought is the colors ... It is much more styled to a boy baby than a girl and at this point, I am one of the last people still holding my belief that the "bun in the oven" is a girl. Well baby, I hope you don't mind the boys digs if you are.

The baby crib wasn't the only thing we walked away with though. Our plan for Friday is to have the porta crib completely set up and filled to the brink with other wonderful baby items. In addition to yesterday's purchase, we also got crib pads, crib sheets and even a baby bath tub. If we had had a little more time, I am sure we could have finished all the shopping yesterday ... but hey there's still more time.

My baby, although she's getting to the age where she's too cool to be called that, is at her Dad's this weekend. Although she will be coming home early today, so that she can attend her very first birthday slumber party. Yikes! I am going to be a nervous mother bear until I get to pick up baby bear tomorrow morning ... It's an awful show of trust to allow your child to spend over night in a person's home you really don't know from Adam. Although, I did have a lengthy conversation with the sleepover Mom and have much eased my initial fears. Meanwhile, ever since accepting the invitation to the big sleepover, the birthday girl in question has been calling my answering machine every night. She has yet to learn that we don't get home as early as she continues to call. It's actually quite funny, KC blushes and rolls her eyes over her new best friend's antics over the answering machine, although I could have done without the 5 minute song medley last night. KC on the other hand has now realized that the phone is a wonderful new toy with which to play. Although I did have to call a cancel to the "Eye Spy" game they were playing last time, pointing out the obvious that the game required certain optical skills that were not possible over the phone.

"Oh, Mommy!"

** Shameful alarm clock log **
Friday morning: Snoozed 3 times, shut off, blinked once, back to sleep. Woke up 6:30 a.m. with only half hour to get both KC and myself out the door!!!
 
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