Leave of Absence

Alligators are surrounding my bed and getting back to sleep now is not an option. Imaginary or not, they're there and I'm here safely out of harms way at least for another night. Evidently animal planet is not the way to go before bed though truth be told I turned it off during a show about cats so I'm not really sure how it is that alligators came into play... It must be my subconscious mind letting go of something too big for it to handle.

This is my few free minutes of downtime for today. Sooner rather than later, I am about to start pulling myself together to get things ready and organized for my trip to Iowa.

Iowa, you ask?

I could answer that I've joined some bizarre dating club hence my venture into foreign fields to go and find myself a corn fed boy, but the truth is, I'm going for work and at this point a corn fed boy doesn't appear to be on the menu.

That being said, I'm seriously done with boys wanting to be men and men acting like they're still little boys. In the past few weeks, I think I've heard everything that a woman can hear. And can I just say that no, I'm not buying into a word of it. Not a stinking one.

And since there's really nothing to stick my neck out for, at least not from my angle of viewing, it's time to simply walk away and chalk this one up to lack of common sense, years of wondering well maybe and a neediness in me to hold out for something that week after week after another same old really whatever happened to the word progression week stayed as stagnant as two people in the same room, sharing the same breath can be for months at a time with no resolution other than for me to decide now is the time to draw the line and say done.

So done.

The good news however is that I feel neither sadness nor remorse. My heart did not get broken this go round, although the friendship I once had with this man has suffered irrefutable harm. There is no going back from this to whatever we were before. Too many things have both been said and done to forget that when it mattered most, he proved that I didn't matter. He took all that he could take, gave nothing back in return, and turned the tables to say that it was all my fault when called out on his bad behavior. And that my friends, is no friend in my book. No friend in my life.

So maybe I'll cool my heels for a while - the field days from two weeks before notwithstanding. Funny that. I got more out of one night with --- (and who would have guessed that?) than I ever did these past eight months with Jake. A woman was due! But now this woman goes back to playing it straight and narrow, keeping her cards close to hand until something more comes passing by to say hello.