An Eye for Caution

Sometimes I sleep with the lights on. On the nights when I need them I like to take a book to bed. And even though my eyes are already closing before I've even managed to read the first word of the first sentence on the first page, I always open the book as if I'm really going to read. The book however is an excuse to leave the light on without having to admit to needing a night light on to fall asleep.

And then there are the nights when I absolutely need the light off in order to go to bed. Nights when the light is a beacon calling out my place in the world when all I want to do is hide. It seems that regardless of the lights being on or off, I rarely feel as safe as I know I should considering my penchant for checking every window and locking every door behind me. When it comes to being cautious, my motto is you can never be careful enough and I drive both myself and my daughter nuts with my need to keep us safe.

My daughter has learned to roll her eyes each time I recite the rules to her whenever she leaves the house. Her answer, usually said with a sigh, "I know Mom... I'm not stupid." How can I explain to my daughter that I can't help but be a bit too much when it comes to making sure there's nothing I've missed to keep her safe. I'm always nervous that there might be something that I've missed, something that I've forgot to say, some instruction that I didn't give to tell her what to do if a situation should arise.

But these are things I know she needs to know. And while I do not believe in teaching fear, I do believe in preaching safe.