Wrong Choices Don't Make Things Right
You didn't have to prove yourself to me. It turns out that I needed to prove me to me. And truth is, I'm failing hard. I'm doing everything all wrong rather than right, searching for something that I'm not going to find by reaching for the things I should be leaving far behind.
Dating Do's, Don'ts and Rather Not's
So I've been on a dating whirlwind and so far I'm coming up short each time. From getting ghosted to having to be the one who says thanks but no thanks, I'm quite convinced that I really don't want to do much more of this for too much longer.
Last night I went out to Syracuse with a very nice man. The conversation was good, we had fun giving an escape room a try and all around he's great... But there wasn't a single butterfly and absolutely no thought that he and I could work as relationship material. I haven't broken the news to him yet... I was kind of hoping he would text me today and say thanks but no thanks but it looks like I'm going to have to be the one to be the bearer of bad news and honestly I hate having to be the one to do it. But everyone deserves honesty and not to be left hanging so that's my assignment for tomorrow.
I keep saying I'm going to take a break from this but so far I haven't. I have however learned that I need to allow myself to be more vulnerable. And vulnerability is something I am not good at in the least. When you live as long as I have relying on no-one other than yourself without the option of breaking down and losing it, you learn to lock down the emotions and push through. You learn that you're the only one you can count on and you learn not to need anyone.
I'm always joking that I'm five foot intimidating but my girlfriends tell me I don't realize just how true that statement really is. To know me is to know that I have one of the biggest hearts out there but I protect that heart with an iron wall and it's rare that I ever let anyone close enough to break it or me. They say I have to learn how to be vulnerable in order to attract the right man... And yet, I honestly don't know if I know how to do that or even if I can do that. I don't know if I'm ready to have my heart broken again...
Last night I went out to Syracuse with a very nice man. The conversation was good, we had fun giving an escape room a try and all around he's great... But there wasn't a single butterfly and absolutely no thought that he and I could work as relationship material. I haven't broken the news to him yet... I was kind of hoping he would text me today and say thanks but no thanks but it looks like I'm going to have to be the one to be the bearer of bad news and honestly I hate having to be the one to do it. But everyone deserves honesty and not to be left hanging so that's my assignment for tomorrow.
I keep saying I'm going to take a break from this but so far I haven't. I have however learned that I need to allow myself to be more vulnerable. And vulnerability is something I am not good at in the least. When you live as long as I have relying on no-one other than yourself without the option of breaking down and losing it, you learn to lock down the emotions and push through. You learn that you're the only one you can count on and you learn not to need anyone.
I'm always joking that I'm five foot intimidating but my girlfriends tell me I don't realize just how true that statement really is. To know me is to know that I have one of the biggest hearts out there but I protect that heart with an iron wall and it's rare that I ever let anyone close enough to break it or me. They say I have to learn how to be vulnerable in order to attract the right man... And yet, I honestly don't know if I know how to do that or even if I can do that. I don't know if I'm ready to have my heart broken again...
