Learning the Curve

I have been a very bad blogger once again. Just when I thought I was back on a straight and narrow path, I prove to all of you out there that indeed the world is flat and more often than not, I'm all about sailing right over the edge ...

But here I am, and all those days in-between now and then are simply spilt milk days.

However I must bring you up to date on recent events as I do believe I've learned something of value from them.

And what I've learned is ...

That sometimes it isn't always about the money. And although we did get our child support issue fixed, the real issue was a whole lot of things that were waiting to be said for the past ten years.

I don't know about all of you, but I know that I feel so much better when I'm not hanging on to old anger and old bitterness. Because the truth is, when you hang on to all of those things, they're never old. They're always fresh and new. And how can you really expect to go on with life and move on from whatever it is that caused you pain, if you never allow yourself the joy of getting over the past. And honestly, don't we owe ourselves the opportunity to find a new kind of happiness?

I'm not saying however, that we should always choose to forgive and forget. Some things are simply unforgivable. And no matter how hard we might try to put them from our minds, they will always be there. The key is learning where to store them, and when to allow them entrance into your life. And we all know that it is far easier to say that, than it is to do that. But we have to try. For ourselves and for the people we care about.

I know that it's not fair to temper everything in my life according to old hurts. But I know I do. It takes me far too long to trust. An eternity to believe. And doubt hangs on me like it knows me better than myself. And when I'm hurt, I put my heart on ice and close myself away. Growing a distance. Because I know how to do that so well. It's what I've learned. A self-preservation of sorts.

When conflict arises, my first instinct is always to run. To get myself out of whatever situation it is that has become too much for me. When I was a little girl, I hid under the covers whenever my parents would fight, or I would run into my sister's room and crawl into bed with her. My safety blanket was knowing that I could always flee. But the thing I always sought to hide most were always my tears.

But that is a topic for another day. And to be honest, my mind is occupied elsewhere at the moment ...

So until tomorrow. And if we're lucky, I'll even finish my thoughts from this post.