Excessive Thinking Damages the Soul

It's only when I'm thinking that things begin to go wrong. 

So I've tried to stop.  Stop thinking.  Because I can't figure out any other way to go about my day without just wanting to break down and cry.  And I don't have time to break.  And I honestly know that given enough time my heart will heal on its own regardless of how much it doesn't feel that way right now.

Truth is I miss talking to him.  I miss his good morning darling calls and his fall asleep on the phone goodbyes.  I miss the man I called a freind for years and the lover I knew for a short five months.

The common sense side of me tries to understand.  Seeing things from his line of vision.  The stress of ending an almost 20 year marriage.  The stress of raising two boys on his own.  The stress of dealing with bat shit crazy behavior and a divorce that couldn't and as far as I know still hasn't happened soon enough.  All of that and so much more weighs heavy on a heart and mind.

So maybe we just had poor timing.

And yet...  I have this awful sense of loss. 

Because I loved him.

And it seems even though he claimed he loved me too, he never really did at all.