Almost Completely Random

Random things I'm thinking so I have something to post about...

I love fall.  It's by far my most favorite season.

The Stacey's Mom song is playing right now on a TV commercial.  I was over this song the very first time I heard it.

I am drinking a hot cup of Green Tea.  I am out of milk.

Today I punched in to work at 7:45 this morning.  I did not punch out from work until 9:26 this evening.  I am really getting to the point of hating my job and upper management who doesn't seem to think that I should have a personal life from August to November.

I do not get paid overtime.  Instead I fall into a category called salary flux.  This means that the more hours I work over my forty, the less I actually make per hour for anything above and beyond.  I like to call it getting screwed without so much as a thank you...

I am not a fan of tennis.  (This thought brought by the local sports section of the nightly news.)

Considering what time I have to be up and out the door tomorrow morning I should be in bed.  Problem is my sleep schedule is so out of whack, I'm not the least bit tired.

I will be absolutely exhausted when my alarm goes off at 5:30 tomorrow morning.

I'm just realizing that it may not have been the best idea to have a cup of tea now.

I have another bag of garbage that I could take out to the curb tonight but I'm too lazy to do it now and willing to use the fact that I'm afraid of the dark as an excuse to leave it until Thursday.

Supposedly gas prices are going to start dropping...  I'll wait until I actually see this before I'll believe this.

I've been awfully whiny, weepy, and really not a person even I would want to be around lately.  I need to figure out how to fix this soon.

I bought two new coffee mugs.  They are a very pretty light blue color.  I need to go buy two more before there aren't any more to be found at Target.

I missed the season premier of Big Bang Theory...  I am sort of pissed about that but thankful I have prime time on demand...

I am nursing this cup of tea.

I think I might be starting to get maybe a little bit tired.

The fact that I just yawned probably supports that theory.

I saw a funny thing on Pinterest... I am going to add this to my photo collection that I have on my scrolling picture frame at work.

I may have to just make one for each day of the week.

On that note I've now met my requirement for writing today so I can go to bed now that my homework is done.

Tell you what... If you happen to find yourself reading this why don't you use the comment section to just say hi...

I am not beyond begging...

No really.

I'm not.

Not so much a writer...

I"m having guilty feelings over not having been here to write.  Truth is sometimes I just don't feel as if I have anything worthwhile to say.  I can't imagine that anyone really wants to read what I have to say right now. My mind is just too full of sad thoughts and sad things.

I'm just lost in the darkness looking to find some light to lead me home.

So, so...

I'm seriously over not being able to sleep...  I've lost track of how many weeks it's been since I've slept a night through.  But I am so, so tired.  And I am so, so awake.

Rainy Day Woes

How many times do I need to tell myself that my worth isn't based on someone else's opinion of me?  Their approval?  Their rejection?

How many times do I need to try to convince myself that someone's exit from my life isn't my fault, isn't always for me to take the blame, isn't because I'm someone who can't be loved?

No matter how I look at it, I'm the common denominator and I can't figure it out what it is that I must be doing wrong that things seem to start so good only to crash, burn and disappear in the flames.

How do I trust when I'm all out of faith?  

How do I ask for help when I've carried my own world for far too long?  I don't know how to need people when I'm so used to being needed.

How do I let myself love when my heart has died too many times to be revived?

I wish someone would tell me what it is about me that makes the men I've loved go away... Because I'm still here.

A Whole Lot of Not So Much

Tired, cranky and in need of a coffee fix is not the ideal way to start my morning but it's the way my morning has begun.  Or restarted I should say as my morning really started at five thirty when my nephew was dumped quite literally on me (I was sleeping on the couch downstairs) and instead of choosing the sleep and snuggle option went with the crawl all over and kick Aunt Stacey one.  My bruises have bruises and I'm making a new rule that E's shoes need to be removed prior to him being placed anywhere near me.  That boy knows just where to kick for maximum pain.

So I'm working on the coffee which really means that I'm too lazy to go make a cup even though the kitchen is literally one freaking step away.  I don't have it in me...  And to be quite honest Keurig brewed coffee just isn't as good as one from Dunkin Doughnuts... All hot, steamy and ready.  Of course I'd actually have to shower and get dressed to go that route and if the kitchen is too far away, Dunkin Doughnuts is on the other side of the hemisphere.

Maybe I need a word of the day like they have on Sesame Street...

Today's word is MOTIVATE.

New Directions

So my daughter has been hand delivered to college and I am just beginning to learn what it's like to live on my own all by my lonesome.  And it's odd not having to wake Kate up for school or run her here, there or everywhere or worry about whether I've remembered to give her lunch money or not.  (Usually the or not as I suck when it comes to having cash on hand.)

People are already asking, "Are you doing okay?  How's it going?"  My answer... "It's easy.  At least right now."  But considering I'm only about a week in I didn't really expect to be out of sorts just yet.  Give me another three weeks when this becomes the routine and then ask me and I'm sure my answer is going to be quite different.

But as I always do when faced with a change or something new, I've decided that there are certain things I'm going to need to do to make my empty nest not seem so empty.  Thankfully (but not really) we are at the time of year in my job when I work stupid hours, ranging anywhere from 50 to 80 hours a week for the next two to three months.  Trust me when I tell you when you work around the clock you have very little time to dwell on anything other than trying to get the work done so you can just go home and go to bed.  This year is proving to be no different...

Beyond work I'm always trying to make improvements in my personal life although I often begin with good intentions and then find myself hung up the small stuff.  But I have to take advantage of the fact that this is the first time in more years than I can count that I can actually focus on me and do some much needed tweaking. 

Health wise I've started the journey to putting myself back on track.  I've been to the doctor's office more this year than I have in my entire life.  I almost feel like Norm on Cheers...  But I've done the mandatory blood work, had the routine physical, scheduled my (first ever) mammogram, saw another doctor about some other things I need to make some decisions on and on a whole feel like I'm starting to take this aging thing a little more seriously than I ever have.  It turns out that turning forty this year may also be a wake up call that I'm no longer in my twenties.

So enough about that... Although you can bet your ass that you'l be hearing all about it when my ass gets back to the gym on a daily basis.  My inner athlete has decided she wants to make a come back and I can't tell you how excited I am to have to go through the blisters, shin splints and general oh my God why do I do this to myself pain all over again.  That however is what I get for falling off the wagon and losing as I always manage to do my inner balance.

Next on my to do list is to start writing... Every gosh darn day.  I fell off that wagon in 2006 and haven't managed to truly get back on it since.  Completely inexcusable considering that a writer who doesn't write won't ever publish a book if it's not actually written.  And seriously, who would have thunk it?  And yes, I did say thunk because I like the sound of it better than think and it's my blog so...

The question remains what do I write?  Well for starters just silly little blogs of random thoughts, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Whatever words that find themselves here should just be happy that I'm actually putting them back up for public consumption.  

That being said I could be quite wordy today but as I look the house there are probably a few things that are a little more important to do than write... At least right at this second.