How easy it is to slip back into old habits. Old ways of dealing with new problems flair back to life as if they'd never been cast aside. And it's so much for thinking that I'd somehow managed to escape myself completely while struggling for middle ground.
And middle ground to me is an equilibrium that can be easily disturbed by the slightest of shifts. A choice between right, wrong and the dreaded in-between. I learn nothing but how to fall right back down into that rabbit hole.
Crash. Burn. Pick myself back up to dust myself off to do it all again. You'd think I'd be a much smarter woman by now...
And yet.
And yet I'm the same old mistake. The same old narrow eyed view. The same have to have it all right now rather than sit back, relax and let something good come to me. And maybe that's why it never works out the way I think it should. Wish it would. Know it won't. Because it can't... Not when I only choose what I know will end.
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