I almost made it to 4 a.m. this morning before sleep decided that I had had enough, so rather than try to pretend there’s any chance of going back to bed and getting any more shut eye, I present to you my blog post…
The truth is rum doesn’t ever factor into the equation… And I am of the mindset that love isn’t nearly as complicated as people try to make it out to be. Love to me is all about the small things that take up the most room in your heart. It’s the little things you do and say, the way you smile and how you laugh. The way your heart feels on fire simply by remembering something that your someone said or did that told you in a thousand different ways that you are loved, respected and cherished. Love makes you believe in possibility. It’s knowing someone is always going to be there with a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on and the belief that together everything is going to be okay.
It’s respecting your time together and your time apart. It’s the give and take of being all in but at the same time recognizing the need for personal space. In order to be the best me and the best you there has to be room to just be ourselves and you figure out together how that works. Maybe I need a few hours to get lost in a book or dig in my garden… Maybe you need an hour or two to get out of the house to enjoy a beer, a conversation with friends and have a chicken wing or two. Either way that time apart only serves to make time together better spent.
But time as a concept is equally tied to effort…
Grand gestures and elaborate plans while perhaps having their moments at some time and some point are not needed as the norm. Effort to me is showing up, being present and accounted for. It’s saying without saying, “You’re my person.” And when you’re my person you won’t ever have to ask when or if I’ll be there for you, it’s the given.
Maybe it’s a silly way to describe it but I think of things like if you had six cords of wood delivered that needed stacking, you’d never even need to ask whether or not I’d be there to help. I’d have my gloves in hand and be out to the wood pile ready to get the job done… Relationships are work and require effort, they are a job that needs to get done efficiently and correctly. Anyone who has ever stacked a pile of wood knows that you have to stack it right from the first piece of wood down in order for it to stay standing.
And you stand by being part of a team. In taking our combined strengths and balancing out our combined weaknesses to find balance, that place in a relationship when no one is holding too many or too few of the cards while realizing that there may be times when the balance moves from one side to the other in slight adjustments until it equalizes out once more.
Always talk to me… Talk to me about the mundane things like how was your day, what you learned, what you heard… And then tell me about your dreams, your passions and your concerns. Tell me about what makes you happy, tell me about what makes you sad. Explain to my why you’re angry or upset or tell me I don’t want to talk right now, but I promise we will later. Communication is everything. You cannot shut the door and lock someone out without making them feel cold and inconsequential. Just leave the door ajar until you’re ready to find your words again…
Truly however the best way to win my heart is to make me laugh… Love is hidden in the laughter. It’s wrapped up in silliness. It’s the smile that lasts for hours and days and months and for the lucky a lifetime. Life if short, joy is forever…
And lastly though I do believe this qualifies now as my sixth line item please love, like or happily tolerate my family and by default expect the very same from me. These are my people, all holding a special place in my heart, they are what makes me more me and are a marking spot on my joy meter. I may not always like them 100%, I may want to occasionally swat one of my sister’s on the back of her head and roll my eyes more times than I can count when my daughter is in diva mode but I love them always and there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for them whenever and wherever that need arose.
This concludes my essay on why you should now you run scared for the hills… I’m as real as real gets and that means I ask for as much as I expect to give without any apology or qualms that what I need may be asking too much. For love it’s got to be everything.
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