When you think ballet recital you picture little girls in pink tutus stumbling across the stage, their little feet trying to move in motion with the music, as you, the proud parent, wait with roses in the wings. Watching patiently from your seat, fingers crossed that your daughter, despite her inherited lack of grace, will manage to get through the routine without actually having to break a leg.
It's camera flashes, camcorders, and grandparents galore dressed in Sunday best, all there to witness the moment when your little girl finally gets her moment in the spotlight.
But at our dance school, worshiper of the almighty dollar, things are a bit different for KC's upcoming recital. With two recitals on two different nights, I had to dig deep into the family fortune in order to pay for the first seven tickets at five dollars a pop. Wonderful I thought to myself, forking over the cash to the dance rep, all the while holding my tongue so as not to tell him that the whole paying for tickets in addition to monthly tuition was complete bullshit.
This is what I've figured, which has me regretting not going into the dancing business, despite my two left feet.
Cost of each class per week .... $30.00 ( x two) = $60.00 (x 9 months) = 540.00
Cost of dance clothing/shoes ... $120.00
Cost of costumes for recital ... $55.00 each (x two) = $110.00
Cost of additional items needed for recital ... 50.00
Cost of tickets for recital ... $5.00 each (x as many people in my family who are willing to fork over that kind of money for a junior performance.)
Actual cost of ticket for one person minus the five dollar cover charge ... $820.00.
I will pick my jaw off the floor now. Nough said.
Flurries of Snow
Alright. It's April and it's snowing. White dandruft drifting down from the sky is enough to make me want to retch up my morning coffee.
And since I've been drinking coffee for the past two days, completely possible, as I've discovered that flavored creamers can only help the taste so much. Nothing like swirling around coffee grounds in your mouth and pretending that you like it, just to get a major jolt of caffeine in the morning.
But one must do what one must do in the daily effort to stay awake. Speaking of that, one must get her arse in gear for work. My record for arriving on time as of late has been pretty sad indeed.
Happy Hump Day.
And since I've been drinking coffee for the past two days, completely possible, as I've discovered that flavored creamers can only help the taste so much. Nothing like swirling around coffee grounds in your mouth and pretending that you like it, just to get a major jolt of caffeine in the morning.
But one must do what one must do in the daily effort to stay awake. Speaking of that, one must get her arse in gear for work. My record for arriving on time as of late has been pretty sad indeed.
Happy Hump Day.
Understanding the Rush
Calling yourself on making a mistake the very moment you are making the mistake can be a disconcerting thing. This morning, KC and I got into it yet again as we tried to make our way out into the world. Forever dragging her heels, her lackadaisical attitude in the a.m. drives me crazy.
I've got somewhere to be. Let's go, let's go, let's go, seems to be my cry each morning as I try to hustle us out the door. Instead my daughter stands stock still like a deer captured in headlights, shoes barely on and untied, fiddling with her half open bookbag, as she greets me with a blank stare, unable to fathom a reason to rush.
Sometimes I think that if I could clamp my hands over my ears and scream - all without upsetting the neighbors - I'd surely stand and yell for a thousand years or more, until the entire weight of my frustrations were spent. Comical or just crazy?
But this morning, little big mouth decided that sass was the way to go. A big mistake when Mom's already in a mood, but at the tender age of 8, my girl is willing to take her chances from time to time. But it was so not the way to go this morning, when option A, B, or C would have been the far better choice. However like her mother, the minor child has a stubborn streak a mile long and the inability to realize that sometimes keeping one's mouth shut is far more advantageous to personal welfare.
So she's grounded. And I'm grounded. And now we can both suffer the night together in anything but peaceful bliss and harmony. Ah well, an early bedtime is bound to make someone happy.
I've got somewhere to be. Let's go, let's go, let's go, seems to be my cry each morning as I try to hustle us out the door. Instead my daughter stands stock still like a deer captured in headlights, shoes barely on and untied, fiddling with her half open bookbag, as she greets me with a blank stare, unable to fathom a reason to rush.
Sometimes I think that if I could clamp my hands over my ears and scream - all without upsetting the neighbors - I'd surely stand and yell for a thousand years or more, until the entire weight of my frustrations were spent. Comical or just crazy?
But this morning, little big mouth decided that sass was the way to go. A big mistake when Mom's already in a mood, but at the tender age of 8, my girl is willing to take her chances from time to time. But it was so not the way to go this morning, when option A, B, or C would have been the far better choice. However like her mother, the minor child has a stubborn streak a mile long and the inability to realize that sometimes keeping one's mouth shut is far more advantageous to personal welfare.
So she's grounded. And I'm grounded. And now we can both suffer the night together in anything but peaceful bliss and harmony. Ah well, an early bedtime is bound to make someone happy.
All In A Day's Time
Good morning Monday morning.
Not much to say good about it, other than I am up, awake and almost ready to face the day, if one doesn't take into account that I have yet to get dressed and am sitting here with a purple bandana on my head, looking all sorts of non-goddess.
The weekend, despite one little flub up, went particularly well. I spent time with Sean, Brenda and Barnes and Noble - all respectively of course - although it should be said that I spent far more money in the company of Brenda than anyone else. A necessary evil I suppose when one takes into consideration that we were shopping for a new spring wardrobe for the minor child.
KC, ever quick to notice a pile of new clothes on the living room table, eagerly tried on every single outfit upon getting home from her weekend at her father's. She's expecting to wear one of her new skirts this morning to school, but I have no choice but to tell her no considering that the weatherman has promised that there will be little to no warm up to today's cold start.
Oh well ... I suppose it's time to pull myself together and get to work. Maybe if it's quiet I'll get time to write another chapter in my it's going to take me a lifetime to write novel.
Any proof readers available out there?
And before I forget ...
Happy Birthday to my sister (the eldest) Amy ... Presents wrapped and awaiting opening.
Not much to say good about it, other than I am up, awake and almost ready to face the day, if one doesn't take into account that I have yet to get dressed and am sitting here with a purple bandana on my head, looking all sorts of non-goddess.
The weekend, despite one little flub up, went particularly well. I spent time with Sean, Brenda and Barnes and Noble - all respectively of course - although it should be said that I spent far more money in the company of Brenda than anyone else. A necessary evil I suppose when one takes into consideration that we were shopping for a new spring wardrobe for the minor child.
KC, ever quick to notice a pile of new clothes on the living room table, eagerly tried on every single outfit upon getting home from her weekend at her father's. She's expecting to wear one of her new skirts this morning to school, but I have no choice but to tell her no considering that the weatherman has promised that there will be little to no warm up to today's cold start.
Oh well ... I suppose it's time to pull myself together and get to work. Maybe if it's quiet I'll get time to write another chapter in my it's going to take me a lifetime to write novel.
Any proof readers available out there?
And before I forget ...
Happy Birthday to my sister (the eldest) Amy ... Presents wrapped and awaiting opening.
College Woes
My kid sister Jodi is trying to make a difficult decision. Stay at the college she is at, or go to the better one that wants her there.
Well, if her older sister's opinion counts ... I say choose SU! (And not just because it's closer to home.)
Well, if her older sister's opinion counts ... I say choose SU! (And not just because it's closer to home.)
Listen For Your Song
There's a black Wurlitzer piano in my father's sunroom and I am jealous, wondering why and for whom it sits ... I'd like to think it could be for me. But yes, I know it's not.
There's something about a piano that draws you to it. Your fingers anticipating the sound of a key press, the way the notes linger in the air. I couldn't help myself and dragged a chair out, my hands instantly recognizing the stretch of an octave from thumb to pinky.
It was like breathing. That first note followed by a second, as I remembered one of the short songs I wrote back in the days of high school music theory class. I wasn't as talented as the rest of the kids in my class. Not like James who could play Mozart without a single page of sheet music. Or a girl like Sarah who could play almost any instrument you dropped into her outstretched hands. But what I lacked for in natural talent, I made up for in feeling, despite the constant jeers I got from my companions.
James liked to think himself King of the Piano. No one could play better than him, no one could play more than him, and my feeble attempts at piano playing often set him on edge. It was almost like hearing his teeth grinding, everytime he realized I beat him to the favored practice room during lunch. But practice I did, over and over again, finding the notes that worked, changing the ones that didn't, until my song took shape.
It was a song that echoed with vulnerabilty and yet the bass line carried a show of strength, an iron will. It sang of being unsure of who I was, and what I could be, all the while carrying the confidence of a spirit that could always mend no matter how many times she was broken.
And even though it might not have been the best, I've always been proud to call it mine.
There's something about a piano that draws you to it. Your fingers anticipating the sound of a key press, the way the notes linger in the air. I couldn't help myself and dragged a chair out, my hands instantly recognizing the stretch of an octave from thumb to pinky.
It was like breathing. That first note followed by a second, as I remembered one of the short songs I wrote back in the days of high school music theory class. I wasn't as talented as the rest of the kids in my class. Not like James who could play Mozart without a single page of sheet music. Or a girl like Sarah who could play almost any instrument you dropped into her outstretched hands. But what I lacked for in natural talent, I made up for in feeling, despite the constant jeers I got from my companions.
James liked to think himself King of the Piano. No one could play better than him, no one could play more than him, and my feeble attempts at piano playing often set him on edge. It was almost like hearing his teeth grinding, everytime he realized I beat him to the favored practice room during lunch. But practice I did, over and over again, finding the notes that worked, changing the ones that didn't, until my song took shape.
It was a song that echoed with vulnerabilty and yet the bass line carried a show of strength, an iron will. It sang of being unsure of who I was, and what I could be, all the while carrying the confidence of a spirit that could always mend no matter how many times she was broken.
And even though it might not have been the best, I've always been proud to call it mine.
Over Due
If you're a thought you will want me to think you and I did ...
~ Tori Amos
A night full of dreams. I know what's in my head now. All the thoughts came to me last night as I tried to sleep. First at one, then at two, followed by three and four until my alarm clock was the last to wake me up at six this morning. Groggy and yet weirdly refreshed, I made my way to the shower with a myriad of voices continuing on with their conversations in my head.
Be honest they said. No more excuses, no more reasons why to weezle out from what it is compared to what you think it could be or even should be. You simply have to stick to your guns. Say the words you haven't said because you didn't want to learn the outcome of honesty.
You're long overdue for understanding.
~ Tori Amos
A night full of dreams. I know what's in my head now. All the thoughts came to me last night as I tried to sleep. First at one, then at two, followed by three and four until my alarm clock was the last to wake me up at six this morning. Groggy and yet weirdly refreshed, I made my way to the shower with a myriad of voices continuing on with their conversations in my head.
Be honest they said. No more excuses, no more reasons why to weezle out from what it is compared to what you think it could be or even should be. You simply have to stick to your guns. Say the words you haven't said because you didn't want to learn the outcome of honesty.
You're long overdue for understanding.
It's Raining, It's Pouring
What is it with me and torrential downpours lately? In a matter of two very short days, I've found myself coming home drenched from the inside out. Perhaps it's time to invest in an umbrella ...
Oh well ... It can't rain all the time.
Oh well ... It can't rain all the time.
Well Rested
Something strage.
I actually slept well last night. Getting up a total of 2 times and no more, without a single dream to remember.
Maybe it's because I forgot to set my alarm. Perhaps not having it on somehow made me feel like I wasn't on a limited time budget for sleep.
That or maybe I should just stand in the rain more often ...
I actually slept well last night. Getting up a total of 2 times and no more, without a single dream to remember.
Maybe it's because I forgot to set my alarm. Perhaps not having it on somehow made me feel like I wasn't on a limited time budget for sleep.
That or maybe I should just stand in the rain more often ...
Coming In From the Cold
It didn't matter that it was raining. Didn't matter that thunder was rumbling right over my head with lightning flashing across the sky. I knew before this weekend was out, I'd end up there eventually.
The rain was cold, dripping from my hair down onto my face. I walked quickly across the grass, immediately regretting my earlier choice of sandals, as I made my way to the familiar headstone flanked by two small evergreens.
"Hello Nannie." I said, bending down to press my hand against the cold concrete where her name was etched. "I can't stay long today. I just came to say hello. Well, more than that really. I need your help again ..." I paused, wiping the rain from my eyes, noticing the tender buds of last years roses coming back to life. "That favor I asked you for in January, you know the one ... Well, I'm not so sure about it anymore. I need you to tell me what to do now. Tell me if I'm doing something wrong, or maybe just remind me of who I am and what I'm worth, cause I just don't know anymore."
I sat there silent for a moment, watching the cars on the Thruway whizzing by and knew I must look crazy. A woman, alone in a cemetery, in the middle of a torrential downpour, talking to a grave.
"I've got to go now Grams," I said to the headstone, "Tell Grandpa I didn't mean to ignore him, I just needed to talk to you today ... I'm sure he'll forgive the girl talk." Touching my fingers to my lips, I brushed my hands across the stone to say goodbye. "I miss you Nannie. A bushel and a peck."
The rain was cold, dripping from my hair down onto my face. I walked quickly across the grass, immediately regretting my earlier choice of sandals, as I made my way to the familiar headstone flanked by two small evergreens.
"Hello Nannie." I said, bending down to press my hand against the cold concrete where her name was etched. "I can't stay long today. I just came to say hello. Well, more than that really. I need your help again ..." I paused, wiping the rain from my eyes, noticing the tender buds of last years roses coming back to life. "That favor I asked you for in January, you know the one ... Well, I'm not so sure about it anymore. I need you to tell me what to do now. Tell me if I'm doing something wrong, or maybe just remind me of who I am and what I'm worth, cause I just don't know anymore."
I sat there silent for a moment, watching the cars on the Thruway whizzing by and knew I must look crazy. A woman, alone in a cemetery, in the middle of a torrential downpour, talking to a grave.
"I've got to go now Grams," I said to the headstone, "Tell Grandpa I didn't mean to ignore him, I just needed to talk to you today ... I'm sure he'll forgive the girl talk." Touching my fingers to my lips, I brushed my hands across the stone to say goodbye. "I miss you Nannie. A bushel and a peck."
All By Myself
If ever there was a day I've felt like Bridget Jones ... Then today would have to be it.
A Nerdy Poem
Every week you doubt it.
Every Monday it seems so far away.
Every Wednesday you're climbing walls looking for escape.
So thank the Lord it's Friday, a two day vacation on its way
Just a mere 8 hours until it's time for play.
TGIF baby, TGIF.
Every Monday it seems so far away.
Every Wednesday you're climbing walls looking for escape.
So thank the Lord it's Friday, a two day vacation on its way
Just a mere 8 hours until it's time for play.
TGIF baby, TGIF.
Where Words and Actions Go Hand In Hand
Sometimes it's the little things that mean a lot.
Do something nice today. Hold open a door, smile when you say hello, tell a friend you're happy to have them around.
Write your family a letter, and fill them in on all the small details that often get overlooked with distance. And if you ask a question - no matter how mundane - stick around and listen, really listen. You just may be surprised by what you hear.
Do something today to make someone else feel special just because you want to, just because you can. And I promise the giving is just as good as the getting.
Do something nice today. Hold open a door, smile when you say hello, tell a friend you're happy to have them around.
Write your family a letter, and fill them in on all the small details that often get overlooked with distance. And if you ask a question - no matter how mundane - stick around and listen, really listen. You just may be surprised by what you hear.
Do something today to make someone else feel special just because you want to, just because you can. And I promise the giving is just as good as the getting.
Pollen Counts
This is me, almost in a better mood than the one I was in last night.
I'd like to think I could blame it on forgetting to take my allergy medication just before I hustled out the door, barely able to close it behind me with hands too full to do anything more than hold on for dear life yesterday.
As usual, it was a rough start to the morning. If only I could get more sleep, seems to be my answer to everything. Not that I think it would actually make a huge difference in me not wasting valuable time when I'm supposedly on a schedule. Still, I'd run over the Easter Bunny for the opportunity to head on back to bed.
Speaking of Easter ... I hope all of you out there had a wonderful one. As for mine, it's almost too comical to speak of. Let's just say that I have absolutely no hankering for any fried rice any time soon. Bleck.
I have 10 minutes to get to work ...
I'd like to think I could blame it on forgetting to take my allergy medication just before I hustled out the door, barely able to close it behind me with hands too full to do anything more than hold on for dear life yesterday.
As usual, it was a rough start to the morning. If only I could get more sleep, seems to be my answer to everything. Not that I think it would actually make a huge difference in me not wasting valuable time when I'm supposedly on a schedule. Still, I'd run over the Easter Bunny for the opportunity to head on back to bed.
Speaking of Easter ... I hope all of you out there had a wonderful one. As for mine, it's almost too comical to speak of. Let's just say that I have absolutely no hankering for any fried rice any time soon. Bleck.
I have 10 minutes to get to work ...
What It Is
This is not a warm and fuzzy blog.
This is a frustrated blog. A blog that wants to stomp its feet and throw itself down on the floor. A blog that wants to be surly and pout. This is a sad blog pretending to be an angry blog because she is a blog disappointed.
This is a blog in need of a new day to change its mood.
This is a frustrated blog. A blog that wants to stomp its feet and throw itself down on the floor. A blog that wants to be surly and pout. This is a sad blog pretending to be an angry blog because she is a blog disappointed.
This is a blog in need of a new day to change its mood.
Sleeping In
No alarm clock tomorrow morning. No mad scramble to get to work on time. No waking up on the wrong side of the bed on the wrong side of the world. Just sleep, glorious sleep until my eyes open on their own accord.
Decisions, Decisions ...
Coming home for lunch today was a definite mistake. Now that I'm here, going back to work is the very last thing I want to do. Napping, on the other hand, sounds likes the beginning of a beautiful idea.
It's like one of those "you choose" stories ...
Does Stacey
(a) Return to work with a positive attitude?
(b) Trudge off to work with a grimace on her face and suffer for the remainder of the afternoon, thereby forcing everyone else to suffer with her?
or
(c) Call work and tell them this girl is gone for the day and won't be returning until tomorrow?
Aaargh! Ten minutes to make up my mind.
It's like one of those "you choose" stories ...
Does Stacey
(a) Return to work with a positive attitude?
(b) Trudge off to work with a grimace on her face and suffer for the remainder of the afternoon, thereby forcing everyone else to suffer with her?
or
(c) Call work and tell them this girl is gone for the day and won't be returning until tomorrow?
Aaargh! Ten minutes to make up my mind.
You say ... I only hear what I want to.
I've got a Lisa Loeb song spinning in my brain this morning. Not quite sure where it came from but the chorus keeps repeating and it's hard to think of anything else.
I should be waking KC up for school, curling my hair and prepping the dishwasher for its morning load before it gets much later. But as usual, I'm pushing things right to the end so I can rush, rush, rush myself right out the door with KC trailing along beside me.
One would think I would want to avoid all that ... And yet nah. I'm beginning to think I like a little instant drama with my cocoa in the morning.
I should be waking KC up for school, curling my hair and prepping the dishwasher for its morning load before it gets much later. But as usual, I'm pushing things right to the end so I can rush, rush, rush myself right out the door with KC trailing along beside me.
One would think I would want to avoid all that ... And yet nah. I'm beginning to think I like a little instant drama with my cocoa in the morning.
All Things Green
Playtime is over boys and girls.
It's back to work on another frigid Monday morning, where in Upstate NY a fresh layer of snow has appeared overnight. Though it's officially Spring, it seems that winter is not yet ready to let go, much to the chagrin of the poor robins hopping around outside trying their best not to freeze.
As for me, I'm desperate to see green. Enough of this white stuff falling from the sky making everyone miserable, when just a little sunshine would make our day.
But it seems we've still got a wait ahead of us. Looks like I'll be brushing up on my patience this week. Well, that or sending condescending emails to the local weatherman.
Hi ho ... It's off to work I go.
It's back to work on another frigid Monday morning, where in Upstate NY a fresh layer of snow has appeared overnight. Though it's officially Spring, it seems that winter is not yet ready to let go, much to the chagrin of the poor robins hopping around outside trying their best not to freeze.
As for me, I'm desperate to see green. Enough of this white stuff falling from the sky making everyone miserable, when just a little sunshine would make our day.
But it seems we've still got a wait ahead of us. Looks like I'll be brushing up on my patience this week. Well, that or sending condescending emails to the local weatherman.
Hi ho ... It's off to work I go.
Movie Madness
Despite the odds being against me, we all made it back safe and sound from the movies. Although I'm thinking that there's got to be something said about going to the movies on your own rather than bringing a gaggle of minor children along.
If you want to get a good seat, you have to get there early. Otherwise you're stuck sitting too close to the screen and you spend the entire movie crossing your eyes just trying to calm your stomach from throwing up with all the up close action flying by.
KC, of course, spent the entire 10 minutes we were there waiting for the movie to begin by whining.
"Mommmmmmm ... When's it going to start?"
"In a few minutes," I whispered.
"It's taking forever," she sighed.
"You're just going to have to be patient. It's going to start in a few minutes. The place is almost full."
"It's never going to start."
"It's going to start. Whether or not you'll still be here to see it remains to be seen," I said, this time giving her the Mom is quickly getting irritated with this whole conversation look.
"Well maybe if you had gotten us candy, I wouldn't be whining," she grumbled, "What's a movie without candy?"
"Affordable."
****
Home On The Range Stacey Rating ~ 2 1/2 stars ... Not the normal Disney film that makes me want to buy it as soon as I leave the theatre.
If you want to get a good seat, you have to get there early. Otherwise you're stuck sitting too close to the screen and you spend the entire movie crossing your eyes just trying to calm your stomach from throwing up with all the up close action flying by.
KC, of course, spent the entire 10 minutes we were there waiting for the movie to begin by whining.
"Mommmmmmm ... When's it going to start?"
"In a few minutes," I whispered.
"It's taking forever," she sighed.
"You're just going to have to be patient. It's going to start in a few minutes. The place is almost full."
"It's never going to start."
"It's going to start. Whether or not you'll still be here to see it remains to be seen," I said, this time giving her the Mom is quickly getting irritated with this whole conversation look.
"Well maybe if you had gotten us candy, I wouldn't be whining," she grumbled, "What's a movie without candy?"
"Affordable."
****
Home On The Range Stacey Rating ~ 2 1/2 stars ... Not the normal Disney film that makes me want to buy it as soon as I leave the theatre.
And Action ...
Heading off to the movies with KC, Jamie and Jordan for an afternoon of family fun ... I must be crazy, or at least delusional at best for volunteering to take the whole brood to Disney's Home on the Range. But I can't resist ...
Updates later on my sanity.
Updates later on my sanity.
On the Snooze
I'm so tired, I doubt even toothpicks could keep my eyes open about now.
All through the night I tossed and turned, yelled at the imaginary people that were pillows and blanketed and de-blanketed at whim.
I dreamed of phoning the job this morning to tell them I wouldn't be in, and saw myself relaxing in bed, soaking in sleep like a cat in a window soaks up sun.
Alas, the knowledge that we are already shorted handed today busted that little bubble of happiness. So I am to work despite myself ... Maybe just maybe if it's not too busy, I can play up for a half day.
All through the night I tossed and turned, yelled at the imaginary people that were pillows and blanketed and de-blanketed at whim.
I dreamed of phoning the job this morning to tell them I wouldn't be in, and saw myself relaxing in bed, soaking in sleep like a cat in a window soaks up sun.
Alas, the knowledge that we are already shorted handed today busted that little bubble of happiness. So I am to work despite myself ... Maybe just maybe if it's not too busy, I can play up for a half day.
April Fool
I wonder what havoc will be had today?
My mind is reeling with a stir of mischief in the air. And I swear, if I see any money on the floor today, I'm just going to walk on by ...
Because really, I'm not that gullible. No ... really I'm not.
Break out the warm fuzzies!
My mind is reeling with a stir of mischief in the air. And I swear, if I see any money on the floor today, I'm just going to walk on by ...
Because really, I'm not that gullible. No ... really I'm not.
Break out the warm fuzzies!
The Wrong Number
Your phone rings. You think you recognize the voice. The way it sounds over the wires, over the distance it used to take to talk to you. You press the phone against your ear, listening as the voice on the other end makes absolutely no sense and realize it's not who you thought it was. Wrong number, wrong time, wrong person, you return the handset to its cradle, wondering what you would have said had it been someone you thought you knew.
