Dancing in Circles

I feel like I should be teaching a course, "How To Appear Happy, When You're Absolutely Miserable Inside".

Silly, silly me. Holding on to the chance that he would call or email, to toe test the water and see how I was. I guess I'm not as good as some when it comes to dealing with an ending. It's more like me to dwell and hang on, then let go and forget.

I can't imagine though how he couldn't miss me, even if it were only a little. After five months, you would think - ok so I would think - that I would have stirred up some sort of feelings in the man. And yet, I'm slowly coming to the realization that losing me hardly caused him to blink an eye. And now I find, in addition to my heart, it's my ego thats gone down the drain.

So I've been throwing myself into projects around the house. Two nights in a row now, KC and I have worked the garden, yanking out various weeds, turning the soil and setting in a new line of cast iron fencing that, though imposing, will hardly keep the bunnies at bay.

I also finished the book I bought over the weekend at Barnes and Noble, my typical haunting ground of I must spend money to make myself feel better. It was a rather depressing read, the main character being a female who just lost her husband to cancer and through subsequent chapters learns how to moderate her grief. I'm not sure I feel much better after reading it, although it does make my complaints seem paltry at best.

Now that the house is quiet, KC to bed and the tele thankfully turned off, I think I will seek out the other book I bought and immerse myself in somebody else's life until I fall asleep exhausted.