Feeling Like an Afterthought

A small amount of disappointment tonight as plans I thought were made for today, changed to plans to happen tomorrow night. It's rough when you spend your entire week waiting for something to happen, only to find that after all the anticipation, you've yet another day to wait.

I suppose I should have said something. Something much more preferable to the nothing that came out of my mouth, in my quiet attempts not to rock the boat. But silly me made not a sound.

The thing is, I'm like a fish out of water with this whole dating business and quite frankly I don't know a thing about playing the game of he said, she said, shouldn't you have known. So when I said, "Yeah tomorrow night is fine," what I really meant to say was, "Tomorrow night is fine but I'm really disappointed I won't be seeing you tonight."

Hanging up the phone, it didn't take me long to feel like an afterthought. The kind of something that someone does when and if they feel like getting around to doing it. And it was not a nice feeling, although I'm pretty sure he didn't intend to make me feel that way. It's just one of those things that couldn't be helped.

You see when it comes to men and the world of dating, I'm not the most trusting girl on the block. I have this little thing about being once burned and twice shy. It takes a lot for me to overcome my initial fears that no matter how good something seems, it will eventually go drastically wrong.

So it should come as no surprise that when presented with a molehill, my first reaction is to see a mountain. The kind of mountain that no girl of any sense would even think of attempting to climb. The kind of mountain that makes a girl want to pack up her gear and go on back home, where the land is flat and proven safe to travel. The kind of mountain that throws the breaks rather than speeding on ...

I guess this is a conversation I should have had with him tonight rather than typing it onto the blog. It just turns out words are easier to type than they are to say. And there's still this small part of me that's convinced I'm shy ...