All my exes are named Ed, they are a conglomerate ranging from the first to the last and a mixture of potential un-potentials in-between. For the sake of tonight's post, I'll limit myself to referring to Ed (The First) father of my child in order to avoid any confusion you may or more than likely don't have.
Now normally Ed and I get along just fine in an uneasy sort of agreement of truce which is usually conducted by having as little to do with each other as possible and only briefly when absolutely necessary. It turns out - after many years of sniping at each other - that we get along much better this way.
However from time to time, Ed forgets that I'm not the woman wearing his ring (thanks be to God) and gets a little carried away with conversations that usually start out in the red with "And this is how it's going to be..." (See photo of little dick-tator... Note sarcasm of spelling.)
This of course generally necessitates my responding in a less then amiable manner, in other words, more sarcasm...
"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that hell had finally frozen over..."
I had no doubt in my mind whatsoever that tonight's conversation was going to take a turn for the worse when within 3 minutes of saying hello to her Father, my daughter handed me the phone in tears. Inwardly rolling my eyes, and punching the button to put my phone on speaker (NY State mandates hands free use of cell phones while driving... Do not mistake this as some sick and twisted desire to hear him in surround sound. Ugh.) I said hello - with as much enthusiasm as I could muster after a long day at the office. (Note: My well of enthusiasm was on water saving measures.)
Anyhoo... Where was I... Oh yes, I was driving. "I'm driving... I'll call you back in five." I said in the general direction of my phone before reaching over to click it back off. Looking over at my daughter, her face red with tears shed and un-shed, I gave her a gentle prod in a hey you've got to cheer up, it's not the end of the world, don't let him make you cry, you're still going to go to summer camp sort of way.
Meanwhile... Five minutes later at home, I eyeballed my phone, curled my lip like a miniature Elvis minus any hip shaking going on, and redialed Ed's number.
"I'd like to order a pizza... Skip the anchovies..."Alright... I didn't really start the conversation out like that, although now that I think of it, it would have been a good tension breaker. (Storing that idea for next time... And oh yes, there will be a next time.)
Blah, blah, yada, yada, blah... Twenty minutes later... We had all but worked things out, at least kind of sort of, in an enough for one night sort of way, I really don't want to talk to you anymore but we can finish this conversation tomorrow or Saturday or after we put the kid through college, yada blah...Now I know that wasn't the ending you were expecting, and to be honest that wasn't the ending I was planning to write, but it's 11:18 pm (two minutes away from my special time) and I've got to get myself to bed or else take the chance that I'll sleep through my alarm (like normal) tomorrow morning...
So here we go, this is where you - oh wonderful reader of mine (note my attempt to make you feel special) get to choose your own ending... Alright now... Choose away. (It's now my special time! Woo Hoo!)(a) Ed and I realize that we still love each other desperately even after all of these years apart, he breaks the news to his current wife and we ride off into the sunset to live happily (n)ever after...
(b) Ed admits he was being a jerk and I being the gracious sort of gal that I am accept his apology with great humility...
(c) This entire post was a figment of a bad dream and never really happened...
(d) I tell Ed what he thinks he wants to hear, coax a little bit of the truth in with a little bit of un-truth and make us all happy to the point where we can go back into let's just ignore each other again for as long as possible stage...
(e) A compilation of everything above minus the get back together ride off into the sunset, anything with great and gracious humility and nightmares that happen while awake thing.
You pick... You choose... I'm out.
2 comments:
If it's anything like my life at times, I would pick D. You do what you have to do to end the call quickly. We seem talk and get along better now divorced but believe me I dread those conversations when I hear "can I talk to you about something..?" My gums start to itch, my stomach hurts and I don't know if I should laugh or cry.
For the longest time I would just simply avoid having those conversations just to keep myself off edge or let him steamroll me by accepting his behavior rather than calling him on it...
Now I try to manage how I handle myself when these conversations become necessary... I don't allow myself to be bullied or guilted, and I expect the both of us to behave like adults...
If one of us or both of us are incapable of that, I simply hang up the phone and hope that the next time we speak, we're both better able to manage the conversation in a way that's actually productive...
And while I don't ever think we're going to be bosum buddies, I'm thankful we've at least moved past most of the anger and hate.
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