So many years and each one seems to have been just yesterday. So many changes, good and bad. So many opportunities passed by and still waiting in the wings. So many, many things that I remember in a smile, in a word, in a name I hadn't thought to speak for years.
I've lived my entire life with my eyes on the door, always better at remembering the things I've lost, always realizing too late where my mistakes were made. I've lived and I haven't lived at all. Scared that one more wrong move on my part is going to get me lost for good. And getting lost, if you haven't figured it out by now, is my biggest fear. It's where the monsters are...Put your brave face on. Maybe it's ridiculous for a woman of my age to need that reminder. And yet, I fake confidence well. Well enough if you don't notice my hands wringing themselves away. Well enough if you don't wonder why you can't comment on the color of my eyes. Well enough if you don't think there's so much more you're not seeing.
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