Not Again...

What crack my sister is on I'll never know... Once again she's managed to piss me off without even really trying... Or maybe she is trying and I'm not giving her enough credit. I just don't know.

She doesn't call, and really, I'm okay with the whole only hearing from her when I happen to be in the same room with her sort of thing we've got going on. I mean it's worked so well for all these months I'd really hate to break our streak this far into the run... But she calls tonight and she's all happy, too happy really, with this insincere singsong tone to her voice dripping all this sugary sweetness that reminds me of a nectarine left on a summer sidewalk to rot beneath the sun, and I just know... Know I'm not going to like whatever it is that's about to come out of her mouth.

"So I work with this guy Colin... And I gave him your number, and he's going to call you tomorrow. And he's a really great guy. Really has it altogether. Even has his own place."

And she keeps going on, endless with compliments for this guy Colin whom I'm assuming must be within earshot because she's laying it on so thick that no self respecting man would actually consider this a steller endorsement of any kind. (I can only imagine he's hearing all this and thinking in a brainless sort of way that she's being helpful.)

And still she keeps going... One hundred and one reasons later of why this guy couldn't possibly be a loser, my sister still doesn't make the connection that anyone she'd think to endorse is not anyone I'd ever consider talking to, let alone dating. And I'm listening, well half-listening really as I'm trying to watch the movie I was watching before she called, just waiting for her to stop talking and start breathing so I can tell her I have to go and get back to what at this moment in my life is more important. My couch, my movie and a quiet night at home with my kid and my cats... Spinsterhood here I come...

Mutual DNA aside, my sister doesn't have a clue about what I actually find appealing in a man. But what really gets me is that without my consent, she's given my private number out. Private being the key word. I mean the whole part about private is that I'm the one who gets to decide who gets those seven numbers directly associated with me. I'm the one who gets to decide who gets to be at the other end of that phone that's ringing mine. And what I really feel like doing right now is going to the grocery store or some other equally public place for a little payback. But that I suppose would be a bit juvenile... Just... But juvenile.

She just doesn't get it... And for reasons unknown to me she thinks she's doing me some great big favor. Little Stacey needs a man after all... And lord knows she can't pick them any better so we might as well make this a family effort.

And seriously, to hell with that idea... I'll call Jason, Mr. Needs to Have His Hands Surgically Amputated From His Arms back before I'd ever agree to letting my sister pick my men for me.

(Insert frustrated scream here.)