Sorry Seems To Be ...

I’ve got Hoobastank on the mind this morning, and although I love the song, I think it has more to do with the fact that I’ve heard it filtering over from Doug’s office and into mine nearly every three minutes this morning. Whether it’s the radio or whether it’s him pressing repeat repeatedly on his CD player, I have yet to decipher.

“I’m not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you.”

Surely a perfect slogan to stick on the front of a t-shirt. Lord knows, when it comes to owing apologies, I’ve more than my own fair share to make. And yet, when it comes to saying I’m sorry, I’m pretty damn stingy about admitting when I’m wrong. I guess I’m just simply human.

So today, let me be the first to climb up on the soapbox and say – in a completely unprompted fashion – that I’m sorry. Sorry if I’ve said or wrote anything that may have been a bit too much, sorry if I gave away secrets I should have kept to myself, sorry that we are or aren’t as good of friends, sisters, and sometimes even the daughter you would have me be.

Sorry because I didn’t and don’t always do the right thing. Sorry because sometimes I give up too early and at other times not soon enough. Sorry that when I cut people off, I cut them off completely in order to make a clean break believing in the motto that, “Someone’s got to stop the bleeding.” And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was divorcing myself from you to your face, sorrier still that I failed to give you - or anyone else for that matter - a decent reason why.

And mostly I’m sorry, for not always being the best Mom, I know I can and should be. Sorry for every time I’ve ever lost my patience, and yelled at you without cause or justification. Sorry for making my bad day yours. Sorry for not always putting you first, or making sure you’ve gotten everything from me that you need when you need it and not when it’s convenient for me. And I’m sorry because I’m bound to disappoint you again, no matter how hard I try not to. Sorry - because sometimes it takes me a little bit longer to learn from my mistakes and for you I wish I could be perfect.