1. Had a nasty little spill earlier this afternoon that I'm only starting to feel just now. I laughed at the time, but I'm not laughing now and to make matters worse, I'm completely out of any over the counter pain meds.
2. I brake for chipmunks.
3. I realized yesterday that my daughter looks like a child sized version of Scarlett Johansson.
4. One fish in my tank has died due to an unforseen tank ailment, but I am currently treating the rest after having dashed off to the fish store, complete with a photo of one of my fish on my cell phone to show the owner so he could help me figure out what's gone wrong and help me pick out the right medication... My fish are addicts!
5. On the bright side, if they all die I've decided to switch over to a saltwater tank. The fish are cuter...
6. They're also more expensive.
7. The guy at the fish store thinks I'm a complete nut.
8. I really don't have anything to write about tonight.
9. I'm going to bed.
10. I have no life.
Normally I Don't Like Shopping...
Mid way through the non-sleep sleepover, the girls are still awake in the living room playing video games and giggling. I too am awake, only for the sole purpose of saying that I don't have to get up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow to make me regret not yet getting myself to bed. And if that doesn't make any sense, not to worry, I'm not trying to make a lot of it right now anyway.
The girls and I however had a rather fun filled day. We spent the early part of the morning shopping the mall, hunting the clearance racks and having a bit of fun trying on fancy dresses (them, not me) just to be well... Girls.
From there we headed over to the movies and after an hours worth of previews saw "The Nanny Diaries" which wasn't as bad as the critics made it out to be unless you take in the fact that there wasn't all that much a point to it to be made. However as far as movies go, it wasn't one I walked out of wishing I had never walked in.
Back to the mall once more after that, I bought the girls best friend charms when their meager funds brought them up a couple dollars short, and then herded them off to the grocery store where they pleaded and begged (for about one second) to make ice cream sundaes tonight after dinner. Dinner being homemade chicken fettuccine alfredo (minus the addition of anything green such as broccoli) which both of them gobbled up like mini vultures despite the fact that I did honestly treat them to lunch, as well as the snacks we snuck into the theatre.
But I have to admit, the girls were impressed with the sundaes. Then again chocolate peanut butter ice cream with melted peanut butter, Reese's Pieces, whip cream and rainbow sprinkles hardly leaves room for any disappointment...
The girls and I however had a rather fun filled day. We spent the early part of the morning shopping the mall, hunting the clearance racks and having a bit of fun trying on fancy dresses (them, not me) just to be well... Girls.
From there we headed over to the movies and after an hours worth of previews saw "The Nanny Diaries" which wasn't as bad as the critics made it out to be unless you take in the fact that there wasn't all that much a point to it to be made. However as far as movies go, it wasn't one I walked out of wishing I had never walked in.
Back to the mall once more after that, I bought the girls best friend charms when their meager funds brought them up a couple dollars short, and then herded them off to the grocery store where they pleaded and begged (for about one second) to make ice cream sundaes tonight after dinner. Dinner being homemade chicken fettuccine alfredo (minus the addition of anything green such as broccoli) which both of them gobbled up like mini vultures despite the fact that I did honestly treat them to lunch, as well as the snacks we snuck into the theatre.
But I have to admit, the girls were impressed with the sundaes. Then again chocolate peanut butter ice cream with melted peanut butter, Reese's Pieces, whip cream and rainbow sprinkles hardly leaves room for any disappointment...
Why I'm awake and conscious at this point in my life I don't know. KC and I didn't get home until late last night and although I know I probably could have (a) stayed at Gram's currently closed down house which I'm sure by now has more spiders in it than outside it, or (b) called in a favor from my Mom's friend Janet, I decided to do the two hour drive home in favor of sleeping in my own house and my own bed. Needless to say four plus hours of driving, shopping, and attempting to keep Gram from taking everything I said the wrong way, I was pretty much done in.
I am however thankful that as usual I have some of the best guardian angels riding shotgun over my shoulder. Not even five minutes of popping on the thruway and KC and I were almost taken out by a tractor trailer hauling a double load who on the passing side of the lane decided he wanted to be in my lane and obviously didn't see us until I crossed over the rumble strips to avoid being crushed and laid on my horn like a madwoman to say, "Um hello, you want to not kill me today!"
Almost dying aside, KC and I showed up at Gram's in record time - or as I'll clarify by saying so my Mother doesn't think I was Speed Racer on the Northway - in the normal amount of time it takes me to get from point A to B. Anyhoo, we were pulling in to Gram's new pad, on our surprise we didn't tell you we were coming ahead of time visit, when we spotted this feisty little Gramma lady walking on the sidewalk at a rather fast clip, a turquoise visor on her head, a sporty pair of shades, and a cane that I know from personal experience can be downright dangerous depending on how fast you're able to move.
Pulling up along side, I rolled down my window, grinned like an idiot and said, "Excuse me Mam, I believe you have company."
Which would have been really cute had my Grandmother not been as quick with her own reply of, "Who?"
Needless to say Gram was quite happy to see us once she realized who we were. We parked the car, got out, gave hugs, and followed Grams down to the gazebo to check out the new fish in the koi pond. Fish she's secretly named Billie Boy and Millie May regardless of what anyone else wants to call them. Although I do believe she mentioned that there was some sort of contest to name the fish... However knowing my Grandmother as I do, it won't matter who wins the name drawing. As far as she's concerned their monikers are already in place.
I am however thankful that as usual I have some of the best guardian angels riding shotgun over my shoulder. Not even five minutes of popping on the thruway and KC and I were almost taken out by a tractor trailer hauling a double load who on the passing side of the lane decided he wanted to be in my lane and obviously didn't see us until I crossed over the rumble strips to avoid being crushed and laid on my horn like a madwoman to say, "Um hello, you want to not kill me today!"
Almost dying aside, KC and I showed up at Gram's in record time - or as I'll clarify by saying so my Mother doesn't think I was Speed Racer on the Northway - in the normal amount of time it takes me to get from point A to B. Anyhoo, we were pulling in to Gram's new pad, on our surprise we didn't tell you we were coming ahead of time visit, when we spotted this feisty little Gramma lady walking on the sidewalk at a rather fast clip, a turquoise visor on her head, a sporty pair of shades, and a cane that I know from personal experience can be downright dangerous depending on how fast you're able to move.
Pulling up along side, I rolled down my window, grinned like an idiot and said, "Excuse me Mam, I believe you have company."
Which would have been really cute had my Grandmother not been as quick with her own reply of, "Who?"
Needless to say Gram was quite happy to see us once she realized who we were. We parked the car, got out, gave hugs, and followed Grams down to the gazebo to check out the new fish in the koi pond. Fish she's secretly named Billie Boy and Millie May regardless of what anyone else wants to call them. Although I do believe she mentioned that there was some sort of contest to name the fish... However knowing my Grandmother as I do, it won't matter who wins the name drawing. As far as she's concerned their monikers are already in place.
Driving Along...
Heading out of town for the day, maybe the night... Not quite so sure what the exact plan of action is just yet. Do know that I am - for all intents and purposes - going home to the one place that if I were able to simply pack it all up and go, I would have been gone years ago.
Anyhoo it should be a fun day. KC and I will get to talk over a few things in the car, that is if she doesn't opt for playing her DS the entire ride, visit with Grams who doesn't have a clue were on our way, and maybe take in some shopping and scenery while we're there.
It's a lot to do in just one day and I probably should have thought this out much better than I did, but oh well... Moments like these you just got to fly by the seat of your pants and hope it all goes just as it should.
For those of you out there who may need to contact me, you know how...
Anyhoo it should be a fun day. KC and I will get to talk over a few things in the car, that is if she doesn't opt for playing her DS the entire ride, visit with Grams who doesn't have a clue were on our way, and maybe take in some shopping and scenery while we're there.
It's a lot to do in just one day and I probably should have thought this out much better than I did, but oh well... Moments like these you just got to fly by the seat of your pants and hope it all goes just as it should.
For those of you out there who may need to contact me, you know how...
Vacation: Day 1
Today marks my first official day of being on vacation and though I'm not going anywhere special, save for a few day trips here, there and home to the mountains, it's not going to be anything close to being an earth shattering week, which is exactly what I both need and want.
So as of today I'm not worrying anymore about what might be on my desk to do at work. I'm not going to check a thing. Not my email, my voicemail, nothing... This girl is going incommunicado for the next seven days whether anyone likes it or not because darn it, I deserve some down time.
For now however I'm waiting for KC to get out of bed. At a friend's house last night until late for a birthday/bonfire, she's taking advantage of Mom not having to be anywhere at all and sleeping in. Unfortunately she can only sleep for so long, and eventually I'm going to have to go in and rouse her from her slumber so we can get a move on the day. There is school shopping still to be done after all, and no better day than Monday to get it done when the stores aren't as busy as they can be.
As for me, I'm off to make coffee and maybe a piece of toast for breakfast, throw the load from the wash into the dryer, and then get myself motivated with a long, hot shower.
So as of today I'm not worrying anymore about what might be on my desk to do at work. I'm not going to check a thing. Not my email, my voicemail, nothing... This girl is going incommunicado for the next seven days whether anyone likes it or not because darn it, I deserve some down time.
For now however I'm waiting for KC to get out of bed. At a friend's house last night until late for a birthday/bonfire, she's taking advantage of Mom not having to be anywhere at all and sleeping in. Unfortunately she can only sleep for so long, and eventually I'm going to have to go in and rouse her from her slumber so we can get a move on the day. There is school shopping still to be done after all, and no better day than Monday to get it done when the stores aren't as busy as they can be.
As for me, I'm off to make coffee and maybe a piece of toast for breakfast, throw the load from the wash into the dryer, and then get myself motivated with a long, hot shower.
The Truth of What You Read
I don't want to be the woman who writes for the unseen audience. Trying too hard to gain readers by writing what she thinks they'd like to read, rather than writing what she knows she needs to. The kind who counts her success by the number of comments left on her blog. And while I want and welcome your comments, I remind myself that first and foremost I'm here to write for me.
Because it is for me that I write. In every way imaginable this is how I nurture, heal, forgive, celebrate and love myself into full being. And more often than not, I don't always get things right on the first try. And sometimes my second try isn't much better. But I do always try again.
I used to say that I was born a fighter, but the truth is I was born with a lover's heart, as are most of us. And it's only with time and many a lesson learned that we begin to identify more so with the image of a perpetual boxer dancing in circles around the ring than a free and open heart dancing with joy in a field overrun with flowers.
Women especially have learned that trust is a commodity they can no longer afford to give. They have been breached, they have been shunned, they have been put down, kicked out, walked on, disappointed time and time again, and taken for all they're worth and for granted as well.
And men have suffered too from this breakdown of the spirit. They have tried and they have failed, they have given in and given up, they measure themselves against a perfection that does not exist and refuse the simplest of all things to receive when they don't feel they're up to snuff.
And so we continue to build walls where hands once reached to stretch across the boundaries. A few bad apples and we're ready to condemn the whole human race, or at least every member of the opposite sex.
And I would not say that I am any different. A few bad apples of my own and I've been left with an unhealthy fear of men. In the grocery store, at the mall, at work, in the park, there is never a time when I am just at ease.
One of my biggest concerns a month or two back was going out on something as simple as a date. But for me, dating is not all that simple. While other women might fuss and worry about what to wear, I'm more concerned about whether or not I'll make it home. To me sizing up a man's potential to be violent is like taking into account the color of his eyes. If the lighting if off, you just might mistake a shade of blue for gray, except eye color doesn't predict who will and won't harm you.
And while it was funny (after the fact) that my date was dense enough to think that three dates gave him license to roam his hands over my upper body, daring even to flip up my top to get a grab in on the girls, I can tell you with absolute certainty that I was not finding it funny at the time. In fact, I didn't waste a second when it came to raising up my hand and slapping his away. Still I know how dangerous that situation could have been. A five foot girl against a six foot man wouldn't have stood a chance. Thankfully he left quietly and I haven't regretted it a moment since.
But my point is this, I won't always write the stories you want to read. And I won't attempt to be happy when I've a need to cry. And I won't ask you to always agree with what I have to say, or pretend you get it when you don't. But what I want most is to bring to light the things that have been left in the dark for far too long. To put names and faces to causes that aren't spoken about in any company, including your family and your friends. To admit by my own weakness, that things as surprising as they are to be true, happen each and every day to people you'd never think for one moment would find themselves living in a situation that is absolutely unbearable.
We all have stories. They can be the same and they can be different. But at their end, there's always something for someone else to learn.
Because it is for me that I write. In every way imaginable this is how I nurture, heal, forgive, celebrate and love myself into full being. And more often than not, I don't always get things right on the first try. And sometimes my second try isn't much better. But I do always try again.
I used to say that I was born a fighter, but the truth is I was born with a lover's heart, as are most of us. And it's only with time and many a lesson learned that we begin to identify more so with the image of a perpetual boxer dancing in circles around the ring than a free and open heart dancing with joy in a field overrun with flowers.
Women especially have learned that trust is a commodity they can no longer afford to give. They have been breached, they have been shunned, they have been put down, kicked out, walked on, disappointed time and time again, and taken for all they're worth and for granted as well.
And men have suffered too from this breakdown of the spirit. They have tried and they have failed, they have given in and given up, they measure themselves against a perfection that does not exist and refuse the simplest of all things to receive when they don't feel they're up to snuff.
And so we continue to build walls where hands once reached to stretch across the boundaries. A few bad apples and we're ready to condemn the whole human race, or at least every member of the opposite sex.
And I would not say that I am any different. A few bad apples of my own and I've been left with an unhealthy fear of men. In the grocery store, at the mall, at work, in the park, there is never a time when I am just at ease.
One of my biggest concerns a month or two back was going out on something as simple as a date. But for me, dating is not all that simple. While other women might fuss and worry about what to wear, I'm more concerned about whether or not I'll make it home. To me sizing up a man's potential to be violent is like taking into account the color of his eyes. If the lighting if off, you just might mistake a shade of blue for gray, except eye color doesn't predict who will and won't harm you.
And while it was funny (after the fact) that my date was dense enough to think that three dates gave him license to roam his hands over my upper body, daring even to flip up my top to get a grab in on the girls, I can tell you with absolute certainty that I was not finding it funny at the time. In fact, I didn't waste a second when it came to raising up my hand and slapping his away. Still I know how dangerous that situation could have been. A five foot girl against a six foot man wouldn't have stood a chance. Thankfully he left quietly and I haven't regretted it a moment since.
But my point is this, I won't always write the stories you want to read. And I won't attempt to be happy when I've a need to cry. And I won't ask you to always agree with what I have to say, or pretend you get it when you don't. But what I want most is to bring to light the things that have been left in the dark for far too long. To put names and faces to causes that aren't spoken about in any company, including your family and your friends. To admit by my own weakness, that things as surprising as they are to be true, happen each and every day to people you'd never think for one moment would find themselves living in a situation that is absolutely unbearable.
We all have stories. They can be the same and they can be different. But at their end, there's always something for someone else to learn.
Making Over Me
I haven't cared for the past few months. Haven't cared about taking care of me, or keeping up on all the little things that need keeping up on. Instead I went back into hibernation mode, to the one place where no one from the outside world could come in and rip the carpet out from under me. And I went on dates, well three dates with one person to be exact and decided after adding yet another fiasco to my long line of disasters with the opposite sex that I was done. Had to be done. Couldn't risk putting myself out there even one more time to meet yet another self-centered, glib talking, not ready for anything more than a booty call kind of guy.
But it turns out that I'm not quite willing to give up the ghost just yet or the dream of happily ever after. Climbing back into the driver's seat and getting myself back in gear is the hardest part. Half of the battle is just pulling myself back together, and after a few good doses of reality television, What Not To Wear to be exact last weekend while I was recuperating from some unknown illness on my couch, I realized that I wasn't doing myself any favors.
And so I went shopping, two nights in a row with only one thought in my mind. If it looks good on the hanger but not on me I wasn't going to buy it, and if it looked good on me and wouldn't totally blow my budget, it was going to be mine. Along with that I set my alarm clock to go off a little bit earlier, and though I'm far from being any sort of morning person when the option to sleep is on the table, I got myself out of bed, and put myself together with the sort of care I haven't bothered with for a while. (Shame on me...)
And people noticed. Which isn't really all that surprising when you go from not giving a fig to caring quite a bit because it does make a difference about how you feel about yourself and the world around you. Heck I even went out and bought my own ironing board to make sure my new tops (curve friendly without letting the girls completely on the loose) look just as good the second time around as the first despite my I hate to iron phobia.
When things need to change, it's always best to start with yourself...
But it turns out that I'm not quite willing to give up the ghost just yet or the dream of happily ever after. Climbing back into the driver's seat and getting myself back in gear is the hardest part. Half of the battle is just pulling myself back together, and after a few good doses of reality television, What Not To Wear to be exact last weekend while I was recuperating from some unknown illness on my couch, I realized that I wasn't doing myself any favors.
And so I went shopping, two nights in a row with only one thought in my mind. If it looks good on the hanger but not on me I wasn't going to buy it, and if it looked good on me and wouldn't totally blow my budget, it was going to be mine. Along with that I set my alarm clock to go off a little bit earlier, and though I'm far from being any sort of morning person when the option to sleep is on the table, I got myself out of bed, and put myself together with the sort of care I haven't bothered with for a while. (Shame on me...)
And people noticed. Which isn't really all that surprising when you go from not giving a fig to caring quite a bit because it does make a difference about how you feel about yourself and the world around you. Heck I even went out and bought my own ironing board to make sure my new tops (curve friendly without letting the girls completely on the loose) look just as good the second time around as the first despite my I hate to iron phobia.
When things need to change, it's always best to start with yourself...
Just Another Aha Moment
"Love," resumed Gus, when he had bolted another portion, 'is letting be. Letting the other be as they are. Like you with the napkins.' Of course my agitation had not escaped his notice. 'Wanting to help them be that, not by doing anything - you can't do anything for anyone anyway - but simply by wanting them to be nothing other than they are, because that's who they are so that is how you want them to be: as they are, whatever that may be. Just that. Easy-peasy, I don't think.'
The Other Side Of You
A Novel by Sally Vickers
I said the same thing myself. Not really realizing what it was that I was saying. But now I get it. For the first time in my life, I was completely and honestly in love with more than just the idea of what love could and should be.
And right now it's me who is a little bit amazed. I really did love him. Loved the person that he is, was, will be and has been.
I told him to just be. And though this may not seem like anything earth shattering to any of you, it's a downright amazing thing to me. This heart has never once found a man before him that made her feel complete or even strong enough to take a chance on something and someone. And even now, now that I know the ending that happened months ago was the beginning, middle and end, remembering the sound of him falling asleep on the phone, or all the other little words and phrases that became a language spoken between the two of us, well that's enough to warm my heart and make me smile and hope that he's out there being exactly who he is. No more. And no less.
Always Home
I feel like going for a walk but it's too late to go anywhere now. Still I'm tempted to throw on a pair of sneakers and say to hell with it and just go without any worry about walking alone. Common sense however will keep me inside. At least for now. At least for tonight.
I miss it though. Miss being able to go outside and gaze at a star filled sky. Miss falling asleep to the throaty calls of bull frogs in the pond and a chorus of singing crickets. Sounds that I don't hear here.
But it is exactly what it is. And I've got to get used to this. At least for now.
I'm thankful that I do have - all things considered - a pretty nice home to come home to. And my house agrees with me. Every color, every picture, every piece of furniture that I own, is a perfect fit. A perfect definition of who I am and what I like.
Now if I only had a yard and a tree to measure the passage of time.
I miss it though. Miss being able to go outside and gaze at a star filled sky. Miss falling asleep to the throaty calls of bull frogs in the pond and a chorus of singing crickets. Sounds that I don't hear here.
But it is exactly what it is. And I've got to get used to this. At least for now.
I'm thankful that I do have - all things considered - a pretty nice home to come home to. And my house agrees with me. Every color, every picture, every piece of furniture that I own, is a perfect fit. A perfect definition of who I am and what I like.
Now if I only had a yard and a tree to measure the passage of time.
Unexplainably Tired
Something has kicked my ass. Zapped away anything that might have been motivation today, keeping me confined to my couch, leaving me somewhere between wanting desperately to vomit out whatever toxin has invaded my bloodstream and sleep until the dizzy feeling in my head dissipates for the great unknown.
It started last night after KC along with two of her closest friends and I got home from spending an entire day swimming, or more accurately described as freezing in my father's pool. The girls went upstairs to supposedly clean KC's room, a task I've all but given up on at this point, when I felt the first twinge of exhaustion. TV remote in one hand, and my chocolate brown snuggle blanket pulled up to my neck, I stretched my entire five foot frame out on my couch, ready to watch an episode of Survivor Man. And that as they say was that. I was out for the count. Or at least out long enough for the girls to take notice that the TV was up for grabs.
But of course you don't really sleep when you've got that many girls camped out in your living room. And between the laughing, the giggling, and what evidently turned into a Guitar Hero marathon, I caught my sleep in winks rather than in the hours I would have preferred. Which may explain why I'm so out of it today, or at least add to the reason as to why...
And now, now I'm simply waiting for five o'clock to come so I can go collect KC from the friend's house where's she spent the better half of the afternoon. And all I can think is how I'm just too tired to make my way down the stairs, and down to the driveway and into the car and over to get her, just to turn around to get back to where I already am.
It started last night after KC along with two of her closest friends and I got home from spending an entire day swimming, or more accurately described as freezing in my father's pool. The girls went upstairs to supposedly clean KC's room, a task I've all but given up on at this point, when I felt the first twinge of exhaustion. TV remote in one hand, and my chocolate brown snuggle blanket pulled up to my neck, I stretched my entire five foot frame out on my couch, ready to watch an episode of Survivor Man. And that as they say was that. I was out for the count. Or at least out long enough for the girls to take notice that the TV was up for grabs.
But of course you don't really sleep when you've got that many girls camped out in your living room. And between the laughing, the giggling, and what evidently turned into a Guitar Hero marathon, I caught my sleep in winks rather than in the hours I would have preferred. Which may explain why I'm so out of it today, or at least add to the reason as to why...
And now, now I'm simply waiting for five o'clock to come so I can go collect KC from the friend's house where's she spent the better half of the afternoon. And all I can think is how I'm just too tired to make my way down the stairs, and down to the driveway and into the car and over to get her, just to turn around to get back to where I already am.
Work and Play
During the course of my work day, it's little emails like this that make waiting til five a little bit easier to endure... I've made it a little easier to follow along with, doing away with the all the back and forth in and outs of an actual email transcript... And now that my boredom has been alleviated, I'm off to read a little bit before bed.
-----Original Message-----
M: My customer decided not to go with the ----- or the -----. Sticker shock apparently.
S: Didn't you tell him to sit down first before you broke the news?
M: I was actually hoping he'd just go away altogether.. This particular job's been going on over 6 weeks now, & every single transaction is like yankin a tooth, or whatever. I know there's gonna be days like these, guess that's why there's booze.
S: Let me know when you need a sponsor for AA... I'll give you my number so I can talk you down from the hard liquor...
M: I was hoping rather you'd join me?!
S: Bad idea... I can't be trusted around that sort of stuff.
M: I'LL BUY!
S: You had me at hello...
M: You're a riot :)... Thanks for the comic relief ... Definitely needed it
today!
-----Original Message-----
M: My customer decided not to go with the ----- or the -----. Sticker shock apparently.
S: Didn't you tell him to sit down first before you broke the news?
M: I was actually hoping he'd just go away altogether.. This particular job's been going on over 6 weeks now, & every single transaction is like yankin a tooth, or whatever. I know there's gonna be days like these, guess that's why there's booze.
S: Let me know when you need a sponsor for AA... I'll give you my number so I can talk you down from the hard liquor...
M: I was hoping rather you'd join me?!
S: Bad idea... I can't be trusted around that sort of stuff.
M: I'LL BUY!
S: You had me at hello...
M: You're a riot :)... Thanks for the comic relief ... Definitely needed it
today!
Why It Pays To Read the ENTIRE Instruction Manual of a New Appliance
You're a sly one Mr. Coffee and you almost pulled one over on me. You had me going last night, thinking that your cord was entirely too short to make sense, testing the limits of my patience when the truth was there was plenty more cord tucked away where I couldn't see. Or rather never thought to look.
Either way we make a fine pair. You with your fresh coffee ground goodness and me with my powers of observation and logical reasoning.
Either way we make a fine pair. You with your fresh coffee ground goodness and me with my powers of observation and logical reasoning.
Decaffeinated
I'm so tired that I'm yawning every other second questioning my reasoning for still being awake. And honestly, there isn't a single reason at this point. I'm here because I had intended to post a story about my new bright red coffee grinder I purchased last night at Target and the subsequent use of it this morning... And how geeked up I was over just how good my coffee tasted along with a few words to ramble on about why it is the cord to the grinder was so short and how my own shortness should have equaled out the distance from me to the electrical outlet but didn't.
These were all thoughts I had in my head this morning when I was awake. They were much more laid out then, they had a rhythm and a pattern and now, now the only thing I want to think about is myself, in my bed, in my cool, dark room... Sleeping.
So I don't know... Maybe I'll come back to the coffee grinder story or maybe this will end up being all you'll get.
Who knows? At this point, not me.
These were all thoughts I had in my head this morning when I was awake. They were much more laid out then, they had a rhythm and a pattern and now, now the only thing I want to think about is myself, in my bed, in my cool, dark room... Sleeping.
So I don't know... Maybe I'll come back to the coffee grinder story or maybe this will end up being all you'll get.
Who knows? At this point, not me.
Sunday Marathon
Okay so today seems like the day where I've gone a little post crazy... And I guess I have in my quest to catch up on all I didn't bother to put down this week when I was taking my little mini-break.
But since I've just come to the conclusion that nothing ventured is nothing gained, I thought I'd share with you that step two of get Bob to take me out on the date is now in motion. Or should I say that it just may be me asking Bob out on a date. After all, the worst he can say is no.
Now all I have to do is be able to look him in the eye and make my mouth work... Oy. I am so much better at flirting when I don't really mean it.
Fingers crossed people, God only knows what day I'll get my courage up to do it.
But since I've just come to the conclusion that nothing ventured is nothing gained, I thought I'd share with you that step two of get Bob to take me out on the date is now in motion. Or should I say that it just may be me asking Bob out on a date. After all, the worst he can say is no.
Now all I have to do is be able to look him in the eye and make my mouth work... Oy. I am so much better at flirting when I don't really mean it.
Fingers crossed people, God only knows what day I'll get my courage up to do it.
Something Lost... Something Found
Occasionally I like to read back through my archives just to get a feel for how far I've come from where I've been, and to see where it is I've still got to go... Tonight I came across this little gem I wrote in a reply to a comment my Mother had left me. I think it's a great reminder that life isn't always the smooth ride we think it should be.
Life is the ultimate blessing even when things have gone in a way that doesn't seem to coincide with our plans. Sometimes the new direction you find yourself going in, is the journey you were meant to take all along.
What You've All Not Been Waiting For...
Okay... So I said I would and I am doing so under a bit of duress I might add as this year's picture is nowhere near as good as the previous... Still I'm a woman of my word so one must do what one must do.
I am however worth a whole lot more than a mere $20.00! And my hair is not really that color, I just have a problem admitting that home hair dye kits are not for me and I always leave them on a bit too long which has this extremely bad habit of turning my hair a peculiar shade of brown/orange... Not exactly the look I was hoping for, but hey you do the math, seventy dollars at the salon or ten at home.
Is there even a contest?
The Whole Bean and Nothing But...
Here I thought I was doing so well... I went out to buy Dunkin' Doughnut brand coffee to make at home to save myself a few extra dollars a week by alleviating the need to run through the drive through each morning and what do you think happens? I go to make myself a pot of coffee this morning, open the new bag of coffee and come to the sad realization that I've one little problem...
I've no grinder and a bag full of whole beans!
Attention to detail is so not my thing...
Good Morning
My Mother is starting to confuse me with comments left under different user names. But I have to admit this Coyote Girl thing is weirding me out... I mean really... How many different personalities is one woman allowed to have? And should I consider this like some sort of cry for help? Or is this simply yet another case of Mom forgetting her password to her google account and needing to make up another to be able to leave a comment? Something tells me one of my guesses isn't too far off the mark... Then again, as I've already managed a conversation with her earlier on, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't admit that I already know the answer... Still it does make one ponder the question...
The "Binky" thing however has got to go. I don't know how many times I've got to object to this new found nickname that my Uncle Scott decided after 32 years I suddenly needed to have, but here I am, objecting once again.
I object. I object on the moral high ground of not wanting to be called Binky. And seriously, if I needed to have a nickname - which for all intents and purposes, I don't - Binky wouldn't even be my last choice, let alone a choice at all. And I've had nicknames, nicknames that don't need repeating... Although Brat was close to accurate, Spacey had a certain ring to it, and Stay Free was more atune to certain times of the month than anything else. However, if it needs repeating and obviously we've reached the point in the road where it does, I'm absolutely insisting that Uncle Scott reprogram his cell to read Stacey and not Binky when he calls me... And as for my Mother, need I remind her who (WHO!) is listed as her second health care proxy! One more word of Binky and I'm pulling the plug on the root canal!
Searching For My Yellow Brick Road
Guilty though I may feel for giving those of you who read this blog nothing to read for the past few days, I've come to an understanding - if only with myself - that there are moments in time when I simply must choose to walk away from my computer.
As for my thoughts, well... They're all still here, waiting patiently for me to deal with them one by one. The only problem is I'm not sure just how to deal with them at all. Answers that seem like they should be easy don't feel easy. And maybe that's my problem... Maybe it's me whose not willing to put in the effort anymore.
Weeks like this make me feel a little lonely. And since I've a penchant to lean towards the depressed end of things, it's never a wise idea for me to give in to the feeling for too long. What I should have done this week, a week with my daughter away at her father's, I didn't do. I chose to spend my free time behind my desk at work, putting in the overtime, catching up on things I couldn't get to during the regular business day... Even the night time janitor who cleans the office mentioned it to me last night. "You must be really good at your job," he said. "You're always the only one here so late." And while I am good at my job, the truth is I use my job as a distraction from having a real life. It's easy to say you need the overtime when you're living on a single income. It's harder to say that you've no life to go home to.
Now don't go getting your knickers in a twist. When my daughter is home, I have a life. And that life revolves around her. But this world doesn't need another Mommy Martyr and my daughter needs a better example than a woman who merely exists just to get by.
The truth is I get to the point where I just say that right here, right here it's good enough and I stop pushing myself to get those things that I really want. And to me the answer is easy... The moment it's sink or swim, I start doggy paddling my way back to shore because it's safer there. Safer not to try than to try and fail. And failure is not something that I want to find out I'm good at doing.
There's a secret notebook in my head and everyday the same list of wants waits to be checked off. That list hasn't changed in twelve years. Everything that was on it, is still on it because I haven't really tried to check them off. Sure I've given it a half hearted effort every now and then but I haven't really meant it. And now all I can think about is how much time I've wasted, waiting to be me.
I feel like a skip on a record. The girl who got stuck. Stuck in a storyline she didn't write, handed the lines to her script and told to read, no improvising... It's easy to find an excuse when you want one. To find that place on a timeline where you can point out the exact time and place where things went wrong. It's right here I would say. I could tell you the year, the month, the day, the hour, the very minute on the clock when it went wrong. But what good would that do me? The past has been written, and right now it's my future that I'm worried about.
What I want is start checking that list off of the things I want to do but haven't done. What I want is to dream big and let no moment go by wasted or unused. What I want is a commitment to myself from myself, a promise to see things through.
So what I'm really saying here is that we're about to share some incredible moments. Posts that will make you want to slap me silly, posts that may have you laughing before you've read it all the way through, posts that may trigger some thoughts about your own life and the progression of where you are to where you'd like to be... And since we all know it's far more easier to accomplish random goals with friends, I invite you to be a part of this journey with me. Pick something from your own imaginary list, and go for it...
We've nothing to lose... And everything to gain.
Roasted Nuts
Can I simply blog to say I'm too tired to blog or does that seem a bit ridiculous?
What can I say? My house tackled me and forced me to clean it up from top to bottom... Or to be more truthful, the rooms that really needed cleaning made me anti up with a dish cloth and a vacuum cleaner. Needless to say, getting the house back in order took precedence tonight over writing my Ren Fest review...
However I have to leave you with a highlight because I found it quite silly and funny and maybe a wee bit on the it had to be said side of a portion of a conversation. So there we were, heading downhill on a gravel path when a man carrying an unnamed number of roasted nuts in carrot shaped bags called out, "Would you like to grab me nuts?" And me, being the type of girl who is quick on the draw when it comes to comebacks, sidles up to him and replied, "Believe it or not, that's not the first time I've been asked that..."
Thus proving my point (yet again, and again) that my mouth works of its own accord.
What can I say? My house tackled me and forced me to clean it up from top to bottom... Or to be more truthful, the rooms that really needed cleaning made me anti up with a dish cloth and a vacuum cleaner. Needless to say, getting the house back in order took precedence tonight over writing my Ren Fest review...
However I have to leave you with a highlight because I found it quite silly and funny and maybe a wee bit on the it had to be said side of a portion of a conversation. So there we were, heading downhill on a gravel path when a man carrying an unnamed number of roasted nuts in carrot shaped bags called out, "Would you like to grab me nuts?" And me, being the type of girl who is quick on the draw when it comes to comebacks, sidles up to him and replied, "Believe it or not, that's not the first time I've been asked that..."
Thus proving my point (yet again, and again) that my mouth works of its own accord.
Half Asleep
Octavia - the wack job kitten wants affection. Me, I just want sleep. I'm completely beat and the post I was going to write tonight about today's Ren Fest fun is going to have to wait until I wake back up... And since Tavi is intent on walking all over my lap top in her desire to gain my attention, it's probably best to just give up and write it tomorrow.
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight...
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight...
Blog Before Bed
My daughter was just showing me her new travel blog her grandmother has inspired her to write in preparation for an upcoming trip to Ireland and KC not knowing what to write decided to start off her first entry by using a picture my Mom took last year while she was in Italy...
Since the minor child's blog is set to family members only, I'll recreate an exact copy of it here... Entitled "Leaning Tower of a Pizza." (Her words, not mine...)
Since the minor child's blog is set to family members only, I'll recreate an exact copy of it here... Entitled "Leaning Tower of a Pizza." (Her words, not mine...)
Growing Up Slightly
I'm beginning to believe that my daughter talks more than I do... Something I might add I didn't think at all humanly possible. But for the last fifteen minutes - though it could be more - the kid has been singing herself silly in the living room. Something that I wish she'd stop doing since it's distracting as hell when I'm trying to find something to write about this morning. And if you ask me, she's doing it on purpose just to be, well... Hell bent on being eleven, which is synonymous with annoying for those of you who may be wondering.
In other news...
Tori Amos tickets went on sale yesterday for an upcoming concert near me and I - unlike the time before when I bought two front row tickets in favor of paying my overdue energy bill (which quite literally left me in the dark one night when I got home) I opted out. And as surprised as I am to say this, I really don't care. Maybe I'm growing up, and my hero worship levels are going down but it doesn't really matter anymore if I see her live or listen to one of her CD's while banging about the house. I guess and again I can't believe I'm saying this, it's just not that important to me anymore.
Meanwhile...
Susan and I are planning on taking our kids to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow since they enjoyed it so much last year they begged to go again. And like a Star Trek convention, there are those who go to enjoy it and those who enjoy it a little bit too much. Every year it gets harder and harder to pick the people out who get paid to be in costume from the people who merely wait for the opportunity to speak with phony English accents and wear clothes that do little to keep their breasts from spilling out in every direction. Thankfully I've yet to give in to this affliction myself, leaving my breasts sufficiently covered up (for the most part anyway) for the time being.
I do however look forward to what has now become a tradition of sorts for KC and I... And once again, we'll make sure to make a beeline for the caricature booth to get our picture drawn. What we'll end up being this year is anyone's guess... After all, once you've been a Princess, a Queen, a Fairy and an Elf... What's left?
In other news...
Tori Amos tickets went on sale yesterday for an upcoming concert near me and I - unlike the time before when I bought two front row tickets in favor of paying my overdue energy bill (which quite literally left me in the dark one night when I got home) I opted out. And as surprised as I am to say this, I really don't care. Maybe I'm growing up, and my hero worship levels are going down but it doesn't really matter anymore if I see her live or listen to one of her CD's while banging about the house. I guess and again I can't believe I'm saying this, it's just not that important to me anymore.
Meanwhile...
Susan and I are planning on taking our kids to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow since they enjoyed it so much last year they begged to go again. And like a Star Trek convention, there are those who go to enjoy it and those who enjoy it a little bit too much. Every year it gets harder and harder to pick the people out who get paid to be in costume from the people who merely wait for the opportunity to speak with phony English accents and wear clothes that do little to keep their breasts from spilling out in every direction. Thankfully I've yet to give in to this affliction myself, leaving my breasts sufficiently covered up (for the most part anyway) for the time being.I do however look forward to what has now become a tradition of sorts for KC and I... And once again, we'll make sure to make a beeline for the caricature booth to get our picture drawn. What we'll end up being this year is anyone's guess... After all, once you've been a Princess, a Queen, a Fairy and an Elf... What's left?
I Am So "The Girl"
Alright. Alright. I know you're all dying to know if I went through with the whole I'm just dropping in to say hi and drool all over Bob bit, and I have to tell you that I one hundred percent did, and did for well over an hour. An hour of flirtatious eye contact, lots of shared smiles, and the all important tell Sheila everything I want Bob to know so that what I didn't get around to saying myself, I can depend on her to fill him in on the moment that I'm gone... (My Momma didn't raise no fool...)
And oh it went well... Very well. And yummy. Which was to say that he was, and I couldn't help myself from drinking in the sight of him. Which would make me sound a bit shallow until I follow it up by saying that Bob is one of the nicest men I've ever known. KC actually likes him too... But then again, I think she was won over the last summer we called home, well home - when Bob played cats in the cradle with her on the front porch.
But I'm getting ahead of myself... Today was only day one of Mission: Get A Date With Bob and there's still a little bit more behind the scenes networking to be done. Rest assured dear readers that the hook has been baited and the fish is on the line...
