Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Sean and I are over.

I don't know how to break this to you, but Sean and I have officially called it quits after precisely 30 seconds of dating.

He seemed to take it well, despite the shock - and of course - the inevitable disappointment he felt over being dumped by yours truly.

But out of the goodness of my heart, I did try to let him down easy and explained to him, that it wasn't his lack of one testicle that was the reason for our split.

We just didn't have anything in common, I told him. And quite frankly, I didn't see much point in trying to make something out of nothing at all. Or rather making love out of nothing at all, I said, remembering my recent listening to Air Supply.

He of course was crestfallen. Begging - no pleading - for me not to dump him, wanting me to give him one more try. But it was useless.

"Sean," I said, softening my voice to a barely discernible whisper, "You and me ... We're just not meant to be together ..." I paused for a moment, listening to him sobbing uncontrollably, hysterical with laughter. "Some people are just meant to be friends. And Sean, I consider you my friend, my dearest friend. I know this is going to be hard, but I think you can understand, that this is for the best."

The poor man could barely speak, let alone draw a full breath of air as I crushed his dreams of happily ever after.

"You'll find someone else." I continued, "Someone who'll love you like you deserve to be loved. Someone who will agree with you that The Bitch is Back by Elton John, is indeed a love song. Someone who'll be ok with the blow up doll you keep beneath your bed, and you calling her Mom in the middle of the night. It just can't ..." I paused for effect, "Be me."

And so ends yet another year of emotional turmoil with one more short lived relationship flushing itself down the drain. Perhaps 2004 will be a better year for me. But that dear readers, remains to be seen.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
And what did Sean have to say about all this, you ask?

"The bitch is back is a love song and I love that bitch."
Sean'O