But my needs do not reduce. If anything I find myself needing more. Much like the captain of my own small ship scanning the darkness hoping to find a beacons welcoming light and a safe harbor to sail into. But here I am adrift despite floating on a calm, cold sea and I can see for miles. But the everything of what I see is the everything of what I've already known, and my progress is impeded.

There is a distance behind me which can be measured, a sequence of events that brought me to this moment here. A woman alone save for her sleeping daughter upstairs in bed, the birds chattering away in the corner of the room and two black cats sitting patiently by my side waiting for the lights to die so they can follow me upstairs into the darkness.

My voice grows tired of saying nothing important, allowed only to offer up the small pleasantries of life. Fearful to make a fuss less someone stand as judge and jury on their own and accuse me of being - for lack of a better word - overly dramatic, one who seeks false attention for the purpose of rallying a group of supporters around her. This is not my intent.

I am rallying myself to do what needs to be done. To seek guidance from those much wiser than myself and my years of talking to walls with no hopes of being heard. I must kill this silence in me before this silence can do more to tear me apart. Bravely walking to a new future where ghosts of the past won't be allowed to continue their hauntings. And I must be uncomfortable, far outside my comfort zone to accomplish my task. For if I must trade one mask for another, I choose to put my brave face on.