Saturday Morning Observations

Woke up this morning to the sound of ... nothing. Instead of hearing my voice when I said good morning to the cats, all that came out was a dry croak. This is far more torture than I can take. Take away easy breathing, take away a nose not filled with all sorts of nefarious and offending slimy things, take away my right to swallow without pain, but for the love of monkies, don't take away my right to talk, and talk, and talk some more ... That's just cruel.

I'd also like to point out that had today been any other day save for Saturday, I would still be pleasantly sleeping upstairs in bed. But once again my body clock has let me down. Yesterday I shut the alarm off in my sleep and was five minutes late for work. Today I wake up at five a.m. and can't get back to sleep. I am convinced. There is no justice in this world.

I suppose this is my punishment for putting the small yellow kick me sign on Slug at work yesterday. (When it comes to resisting the temptation to act like a five year old, there are some days when I cave in to the pressure.) But really, who'd have thought he wouldn't have noticed the post it note sitting sticky side up on his chair before sitting down ... Perhaps he should work on his powers of observation.

As for me, I almost laughed so hard when I noticed my clever little plan had worked that I almost fell out of my chair with the force of it all. Which of course made him ask me exactly what it is that I was hooting and hollering about. Have I ever mentioned that I can't lie worth a damn? Seriously ask me anything ... If I smile like a chesire cat and my eyebrows are suddenly higher than my hairline, I'm so not telling anything even remotely close to resembling the truth. While it was a blessing for my Mother as I was growing up to know of this little Achilles Heel of mine, it can really ruin a joke at times.

In other news, I had a horrid close call this morning, I won't tell you the how's and the where's as I've done enough damage to certain people and their afflictions to maleness but I was just standing there - rinsing - when I looked over to my left and "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh" there was this big, round, thick spider with very long spidery legs. Short of not screaming since I can't speak, my muffled cry immediately set me into action and shortened the length of that - ommitted word - faster than running out of hot water or someone flushing the toilet.

However having seen him - all spiders are male you know - his spidey senses should have been telling him to make a run for it. (For those more sensitive readers, you may not want to read further.) So there I was thinking, "There is no way in hell I'm going to share my omitted word with you. Not a chance!" With a soapy washcloth in my hand, and Tavi promising to finish the job should I fail, I scooped him out, hand extended as far away from myself as possible and dumped him uncerimoniously in the toilet. "See what comes from not heeding house rules," I said as I watched him spin faster and faster until he was quite gone. "You stay outside you live, you come inside you die. It's as easy as that."