I made the mistake of looking at some old emails earlier tonight thinking that I was past feeling the hurt of being - for lack of a better word - forgotten, used and left behind. And I wish that I could clear up the confusion on my end. The part of me that doesn't want to think bad of anyone. That doesn't want to be left with bad feelings for someone I thought was pretty good.
I won't allow myself however to pick up a phone. Or pen an email. Or do anything right now that involves me begging for a conversation to take place because I force that conversation to happen.
And I know now that Sue and Brenda have had the right of it all along. And believe me when I tell you that their advice has become the little voice inside my head that stops me from reaching out right now. In fact it's them I hear when I'm tempted to dial a number, or use my computer as a means to break the silence. And if it takes a million reminders to myself, I'll believe this until I can prove it true.
When you matter to someone, you never have to wonder where it is they've gone...
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