Cromagnum Man

Doug the Slug. As in the Doug I work with, and not the Doug I previously created life with over 8 years ago while sleeping - okay so not sleeping - in a tent in the back yard ...

Doug the Slimy Slug. Mr. Slick, Mr. Invades your personal body space, Mr. Stands directly behind you at the fax, Mr. Whatcha doing this weekend, Mr. Talks to your chest while drooling ... Or as I've come to favor, Mr. No chance in this lifetime or the next - cause I've yet to reach that milestone of completely desperate - and you really need to stop singing the Stacey's our girl song as people are starting to talk and I'm having a hard time dispelling the rumors if you favor your nuts much longer Doug ... That Doug. The harmless though frequently annoying Doug.

Today he came into my office - to stare at my boobs - and noticed I was reading Harry Potter. (And yes, I was at lunch for those of you who care about such things.)

"Oh. Are you reading this?"

"Absolutely not. I'm just holding it and turning the pages for something to do," I quipped. "I'm very bored."

Though he has not been invited, he pulls the chair out in front of my desk and takes a seat.

"Is it good?" he questions me, leaning back in the chair.

"I don't know. I'm not done," I drone out, ignoring him as I flick another page over.

"Is it better than the movie?"

"Considering most books are, I'd have to say yes," I said, marking my page with an orange index card, shutting it and laying it down upon my desk. Having come to the conclusion that he's not going to go away, I offer up, "Actually I'm reading it to KC. We're doing a chapter a night together before bedtime and I wanted to get a peek of tonight's."

He smiles a devilish grin and I can see the little wheels in his mind turning.

"You're such a good Mom," he says, as I wait for the tagline, instinctively knowing that there unfortunately is more. "I wish you were my Mommy, so I could snuggle up to you in bed while you read me a story." He pauses, licks his lips and locks his eyes once more on my chest before continuing. "How nice would that be? And to think, I wouldn't even have to run downstairs for a drink if I got thirsty."

One and one equals two. How sad I was to realize the way his mind was going. I groaned.

"God you're such a perv," I yell at him, shaking my head. But even though I am quite disgusted by the mental image that pops into my mind - for the merest of seconds - my sense of humor manages a chuckle. "There's the door, now get out," I say pointing towards the hall and waving him away. He laughs as he leaves, closing the door behind him, leaving me alone to resume my reading of Chapter Two, page 23.