Love Doesn't Always Win

Perhaps you're angry now, thinking I have gone too far and said too much.  Maybe now, salt in the wound begins to sting.  Out there in the world, there is a story about you, that doesn't present you in its kindest light.  And maybe it has hurt you in the same way you've been hurting me.  And maybe it was I who wanted to hurt you.  

What did you expect me to do?  Limit myself to saying only nice things,  when in reality it felt like I had let you walk all over me.  The last time I saw you, did you really think that I thought it would be the last time?  You bit me on the nose and sent me off to work, letting me believe we had a tomorrow.  

And my sin, all I ever wanted from you, was time.  Time that we could spend together.  But all you gave me were excuses of why you were too tired, too busy, too in need of your own personal space.  And I waited, honestly I waited as long as I could, always giving you the benefit of the doubt, thinking that if I waited long enough I'd get the prize in the end.  You were the prize I wanted.

And so that weekend.  That weekend when it could have been just you and I, together and alone, the weekend that I'd spent the entire week looking forward to, with the thought of having you all to myself, that was the weekend you broke me down.  You cancelled on me without so much of a hint of an apology in your voice.

Friday night I cried myself to sleep, you would have known, if you'd been there.

Saturday morning, I still had hope.  And I called you, and you were so cold, almost mean and once again your time was spoken for, though not by me.  

Did you think I wanted to break up with you?  Did you think that was the reason that I had called?  

And yet, your attitude left me little choice and then your words cut through me like a hot knife pulled from the fire.

"I don't have the same feelings for you as I think you have for me."

Not really any other way a girl can interpret such words said by the man in her life.  And despite the feelings I had for you, you left me little choice.  Remember that last thing I said, "I'll miss you."  Does that sound like someone who wanted to let you go?

So in answer to your question, that you were kind enough to leave in comment.  No ... You didn't do what I wanted you to do.  If you had, I could call you up right now and you'd be happy to hear the sound of my voice.  I took a gamble, and I lost.  But maybe now, I'm realizing that you're really the one who lost.  You could have had my heart, you could have had my soul, you could have had me ...  

But that is the way of the world.

You can try to give someone the very best of you, but you can't make them take it, and you can't make them give the very best of themselves back.