I have a friend who loves housework. Honest, she loves all housework. All day long she moves from one chore to the next, smiling the whole time. I went over there one day and begged her to tell me her secret. It's simple, she said, right after breakfast you light up a joint. ~ Gabrielle Burton, "No One Has a Corner on Depression But Housewives Are Working On It." (1976)

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." ~ Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)