I've been so out of it this week, that I should be relieved that it's finally Friday night, with the whole weekend before me. But I'm stressed. Most likely due to the fact that my Mother arrives tomorrow and I am no where near prepared for her visit. It's like some big giant energy sucker has been residing over my house and stolen every ounce of my energy, right down to the last drop. Sure I know what needs to be done, but I am far from having any of it done. But I just can't seem to get my mind to understand that.

This week has been all about emotional ups, downs and all arounds. Probably why my concentration skills have been at an all time low. My friend Mike, summed it up quite well earlier when he called. "I could tell you weren't really listening when I was talking to you.", he said, "You seemed distracted." Numb might be a better word for it. I've been running in overdrive for so long now that I just need a break to pull myself back together and remember that I am a strong, capable woman, who can do anything and everything when push comes to shove. Except I don't feel so tough now, but more like a big mushy marshmallow slowly roasting over a campfire. S'more? I don't think so.

Lucky for me however, next week will provide some relief to my overworked soul. After Tuesday, I am using 3 vacation days to take some much needed R & R and enjoy my visit with my Mom. Visits which always seem to be over before they've even begun. I just wish my Mom didn't live so darn far away. As surely as KC needs me on a daily basis, that is how much I still need my Mom. Some things, you never outgrow.

So, I'm driving 2 hours to Albany tomorrow, to pick Mom up from the airport, even though Syracuse is but a hop and a skip away. However, if you do the math, comparing Syracuse to Albany, you'd be able to see within hundreds of dollars, the savings you gain by adding on drive time. Ridiculous but what can you do. Now I only have to hope, that I don't manage to get myself lost on the way there. I keep reminding myself that I made it all the way to North Carolina last year, without too many a problem. But then again, I did have the "comfort" of having my Grandma C. along for the ride. (Comfort as in, I wasn't alone, although my right arm was bruised after 10 hours in a car, with a woman who smacked me every time she spoke. Not to worry though, it's a trait more habitual than intentional, but still it hurt all the same.)

So the truth is, I am absolutely scared to death of traveling unknown territory by myself. I like to refer to this as being outside my comfort zone, and trips like these are far from it. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am 28 years old and more than capable of finding my way. But I can tell you this, I can guarantee that up until the moment I actually stop and park the car at the airport, my knuckes will be absolutely white clutching the steering wheel. I think I need to scroll back up to my earlier comment about being a strong and capable woman, cause it doesn't seem so right now.

Before I blog off for the night, I do want to take a moment and reflect back to yesterday's post. One in which, I think I made my point, that I find the topic of rape to be a very personal subject. I'd like to urge all of you, whether or not you've survived an assault, known someone who has, or have been lucky enough to not be among the statistics, to educate yourselves.

Knowledge is power and with the estimated number of REPORTED statistics, being as high as it is, understanding is the greatest gift you can give to someone. Two of the best personal narratives I have ever read, continue to help me make my own path in my quest for regaining control back over my life. Reading these books will help you gain a better understanding of the trauma that is rape and free survivors to speak out against a crime that has rendered its victims "Silent All These Years".

After Silence

Telling

"We'll see how brave you are
Yes, Anastasia."