I Want My Cable TV

Crazy people do crazy things. Some people dance around with turtles, some people blow their right testicles off, some swallow hangers while getting hit on the head with a toaster and others simply cannonball themselves into a half gallon of milk. And some people like me, spend their Sunday nights watching them making asses of themselves on national television thanks to Steve Harvey.

Unfortunately, and in the midst of the toaster replay, the television snarled, blipped and then blacked out, with only the sound of crackling static left behind. Now most people automatically assume that the cable popping off is either one of two things, (1) an act of God or (2) a freak accident involving cable lines, cars and slippery roads. But not me. The first thought that came to my mind was, "Hmmm ... I wonder if I paid the cable bill this month?"

So I called down the road to Dad and got my stepmother on the phone.

"Stupid question," I said. "Is your cable working?"

Without even hesitating she answered no, explaining quite a similar experience to mine, though she was watching a different program.

"Now don't take this the wrong way ... But tell me, did you guys pay your cable bill this month?"

"Yes, Stacey." She said in a tired voice, "You can stop worrying now. The entire road is out. It's not just you."