Choices and Change

Complacency can be an easy thing to live with, as those of us who fear change already know. The funny thing is I've never been scared of anything long enough in my life to let myself pull back from the game and give up. And though I've been down, I've never let myself be counted out, at least never completely.

At times I can be downright cocky, with what some people might describe as an over-inflated opinion of self. Driven sometimes to prove to anyone who might be peeking a glance, and yet always more importantly to myself, that the things I want, truly want - are within my grasp, as long as I choose to reach. And I have owned them all, both my failures and my completions of jobs well done. Each time taking something new away, a lesson, a feeling, an insight on how I work in this strange world of ours.

And I crave this separation. To see the rare beauty brought on by individual thought, challenging what I know, to what I've been taught for years and years. And from the learning, making decisions for myself, by myself, with what I've learned, shouldering all the responsibility for my actions.

And yet, there are times when my confidence has been known to waiver. And I falter with uncertainty, turning to others to find support and compassion, trusting that they might point me in a better direction when my path has become unclear. And I need their voices, to build me up, and make me strong enough to want more, to do better. Though most of all, it's their understanding that I need.

Now here I am again, finding myself at a crossroads. Ready to take flight without worrying how solid the ground may be beneath me. Concerned, because once again not everyone is going to agree with my decision. But ready to bring them over and into my way of thinking. Because I want a chance. Because I'm ready for this change. And because I no longer feel complacent with where I'm at with my life.