Life's Little Lessons

When it comes to learning things the hard way, I'm sure there's a billboard poster somewhere out there with my face on it.

I've got skills. Skills like you wouldn't believe for making the wrong choice, at the wrong time, and shameful as it is to say, usually with the wrong guy.

That being said, I figure it's only fair of me to post a few of the things I've learned over the past couple of years. The following is a tribute to all of my finer mistakes.

1. Relationship Self-Help Books ... If you ever find yourself having to consult with a turn-the-page-as-you-go guru, you might as well let the relationship meet its inevitable demise right then and there. Relationships either work, or they don't ... Trying to read up on how to make your man stop acting like an asshole is an unachievable dream. Evolution isn't exactly a fast process, if you know what I mean ...
2. Bridge Jumping ... If you're best friend jumps off a bridge, there is absolutely no rule set in stone that you're required to follow. However it is nice to have someone to commiserate your favorite mistakes with ...
3. Taste of Freedom ... Moving away to college doesn't make it okay to stay up all night drinking until you puke, sleeping in 'til noon and skipping class to catch the most recent episode of Jeopardy. And under absolutely no circumstance should you risk your academic career to smoke a joint in the college library with a guy, just because you think he's hot ... (Photo evidence of said hotness available upon request.)
4. But Everyone Else Is ... Having sex isn't like keeping up with the Jones's ... It's okay to wait for the right guy, and the right reason. Don't just do it to "see what you're missing." 9 times out of ten, you'll find out it's not much ... And remember, birth control is not an option!
5. Honesty ... It's okay to tell your Mother everything ... Although you may want to wait a couple years on the more intensive stuff. Speaking of which, now would be a good time to admit to the keg party I had when my parents were in North Carolina, and I was home from college on break. Ahhh the refreshing sound of honesty.
6. Mini Me ... Believe your Mother and Father when they warn you, that someday you will have a child just like yourself ... Speaking from nine years of experience, that rumor is completely based on truth!

And that as they say, is more than enough to grow on ...