Last nights rain storm brought with it troubling dreams. Mine was so horrible, that I woke myself up, calling out in my darkened room, for my Mother not to go.

"Don't leave me!" I remember screaming, as I stood on a crumbling wall overlooking a vast mountain range, my heart filled with rage. But the air around me refused to listen, curling up into a dense fog, obscuring me in its mist.

I closed my eyes, tired with grief and frustration and wallowed in my anger, not caring that sitting on the precipice was fraught with danger.

"You must let go, child." Said a wisened voice from behind me. "You're mother didn't leave you because she had to go. She just knew it was her time ... as you will know someday."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I asked, "She didn't even say goodbye." I paused, trying to control my emotions. "I didn't even know ... Well, how was I supposed to know? No one ever told me. She didn't tell me. I was left to live in the dark and now I am alone."

"You are never alone, child. The Lord walks with you and keeps you safe. He sends his angels to comfort you when you are sad, so that you can listen and understand the sorrow that you feel inside your heart."

Soundless tears streamed down my face, as I sat motionless on the wall.

"How am I supposed to let go my pain?" I whispered. "There's not a single space inside of me, that doesn't feel, as if I have broken in two."

A hand reached out to touch my shoulder.

"Time Stacey ... All it takes is time and keeping your heart open to the Lord, even when you are angry at him."

I sat there for a moment in silence, absorbing her words carefully.

Thoughts were alive inside my head. How could I forgive him? How could I believe that he knew what was best for me? How could I have faith in the very thing that was causing me so much pain?

"Forgiveness is still a lesson you need to learn, child. Only when you allow yourself to forgive, will you be able to live the life that was intended for you."

She spoke softly, her voice barely louder than the wind whistling in the valley below.

"Why is it child, that you've never thought to forgive yourself? Your past is not your future. It was never meant to be ... and yet I've watched you cling to it, tighter than any vine that wraps itself around a tree in endless circles. Too scared to venture into the future because you've never left your past long enough to make it so."

"You don't know what I need!" I shouted angrily, unable to free her hand from my shoulder. "I wasn't ready! Not to say goodbye, not to be alone, not to feel as if a giant hole was left in the place where my heart used to be!"

"Can you fix that?" I screamed, "Can you fix me? Can you tell me tomorrow will feel better than today? Can you tell me anything other than what I already know? That everything has changed, and I'm the only one standing here to see what's been done!"

"Oh child, let go this anger before it destroys your heart." Said the voice. "I've seen what anger can do, when bitterness is allowed to grow. Anger in small doses can be healthy, but it was never meant for you to live with, from year to year."

"It stops your heart, keeps it from beating, keeps it from knowing love and how to be loved. It destroys everything, creating for you, the very thing you fear the most, a barren landscape looking out over nothing."

Beneath me the wall began to move, at first with a gentle trembling and then growing louder, like a rumble of thunder.

"Take my hand." said the voice. "There's nothing left for you here that you haven't seen before. Come away, from the world you have created and come back to the world that holds you dear."

Slowly I turned around, grasping the hand within my own, feeling its warmth move from my hand and into my arm, until my whole body felt infused with light.

"Your daughter can be difficult, Nancy." Said the voice lovingly.

"Surely not as difficult as her grandmothers." My mother said, her eyes crinkled up in mirth, as she looked from side to side.

I raised my eyes, to see the trio standing before me, as the last wall of my heart came crumbling down.

"Grandma Pearl ... Grandma Angie ... Mother!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around them in a giant hug. "I have missed you so!"

"Of course you did, it's the reason why we're here ..."

*******
(As far as dreams go, this one was a doozy and one, I think, Freud woudl have a field day with. Be that as it may, I think I'll call my Mom and tell her that I love her.)