Bring On the Blog Patrol

I was feeling quite well earlier and now for some unknown reason feel all twisted up inside, quite like a dull pain that settles in your stomach as it gradually builds to intolerable. And even though I know it can't be true, even I have to admit I find myself wondering whether or not my own cooking has done me in. Hence the reason why I've been making up new song lyrics to Tainted Love for the past twenty or so minutes ... Except it goes something like this, "Oh tainted chicken."

Now that you all know where I'm coming from here, I'm sure you'll all be very generous and understanding when you realize the rest of this post is yet another one of my famous Stacey sent emails.

I sent this earlier to a fellow blogger/friend - who shall remain linkless, as I believe this is the way he would prefer it - who has as of late been a little lax on his posting ... A bit rude of me, I know ... But really. A blog is like a child, you cannot give birth to it and then ignore it! It depends on you. (Tim, this goes for yours too ... But I'm being too polite to mention it right now. Oh and Orbling, last update on December 31 ... I'm not the Blog Patrol, but really! Can I even begin to tell you the heartbreak I go through every day when I check your blogs and they're not (gasp) updated! And Mom. Mom who thought I'd forget about her Abandon-a-Blog routine. I'm disappointed. Such a fine writer not writing is a shame. What has this world come to.)

Okay ... Stepping down from the soapbox, trying to maintain an innocent, I didn't just say all that appearance. On to the email ...

From: Stacey
Sent: Monday, 1/10/2005 6:29:06 PM Eastern Standard Time
To: Andrew
Subject: Lack of Gravity


Dear Andrew,

I'm running out of things to read with my cup of cocoa in the morning before going to work. And because I know you (don't) care about this, I'm hoping to guilt you into blogging something (anything really, I'm not picky) in the near future for me to read. Think of it as your civic duty, or increasing your good karma, or just making one small, insignificant girl happy. No, I don't know who she is either, but just think of that happy smile she'd get on her poor, pathetic face if you would only blog with some consistent frequency.

That being said, I hope your New Year's went well and that you are not ignoring the shark alarm warning as sharks have been known to bite more than once in the same place. They're not like lightning you know ... And really, adrenaline rush? I can't even bring myself to comment on that. My kind of rush is watching the Discovery Channel for the duration of shark week and then toe testing the water of the local pool to make sure there's nothing but chlorine in it ... And even then, I'm always on the look out for UDF's ... Unidentified Dorsal Fins ... I've seen Jaws, I know how they work!

Anyhoo, write something ... Even if it's only your grocery list, to do list, take over the world list, people you'd like to maim after a meeting list ... You get the point.

Until then I'll just be here ... Waiting. (And not patiently mind you.)

Stacey

PS ... If you haven't smiled by now, you're missing the whole point of this email.
______________

From: Andrew
Sent: Tuesday, January 11, 2005 10:29 AM
To: Stacey
Subject: RE: Lack of Gravity

I laughed out loud. I will blog today just for you.

New years was very gentle...

Andrew