Dirty Laundry

First and foremost and before I say anything else, I DO want to apologize to my sister Amy for posting my niece's picture on NWTLO without her prior approval. I am - if anything - very cautious when it comes to kids and computers, changing their names and posting few - if any - pics of anyone other than myself, my adult friends, and occasionally a picture of KC or my own self as a child. So for that I do sincerely apologize.

However - and this is one hell of a BIG HOWEVER, my sister AMY is the only person in my family who has ever expressed any opposition to my blog under the misguided opinion that when it comes to my personal freedom of speech, my voice and my opinions should be censored. (Read her BLOG COMMENT here.) And I know that what she really wants, is to do what she's always done my entire life, make it all about her and bully me into submission.

But I'm much too old to play that game anymore. And I'm sick to death of the double edged sword my sister feels she has the right to carry around. And she wields it well, despite trying desperately to convince you (the reader of way too much family drama) that the "True Stacey" is indeed the evil, pen wielding criminal mastermind.

What she doesn't mention is how her own behavior factors into much of what I have written and what I will continue to write. Perhaps she's forgotten that it was she and not me, who sent the stinging barbs my way the moment I first walked in her door Saturday, and perhaps she doesn't recall that she spent the entire afternoon doing so. So yes, my sister DOES KNOW what I will write about on my blog following a family gathering, she always sees fit to supply the story line.

Am I the best sister in the world? I'll be first to tell you absolutely not. But then again, I hardly had or have an inspiring role model. (What do they say about people in glass houses throwing stones?)

I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be. I could be a better person in a lot of different ways. But in one way I can say with absolute truth, that I have never intentionally set out to hurt my sister or her feelings. If anything, I've tried to be supportive of a person who believes she has the right to belittle me to anyone and everyone willing to listen. I've tried to be sisterly to a woman who constantly takes pride in putting me down, considers me competition in a race to our parents and siblings affection, and who has on more than one occasion treated my daughter as an extension of myself.

This is the same woman who called me a day or two before Christmas, and took pleasure in telling me that she was broke and I needed to give her an idea of what cheap gift I'd like for Christmas. She's also the same woman who a few weeks after my birthday, and while I was completely out of it on pain meds due to my tooth extraction, came over with my Dad to give me my birthday present.

Would that I could do the smile on her face justice as she handed me that package, I would describe it as the cat who ate the canary. But what she didn't know, is that someone in the family had already warned me in advance to its contents. So instead of getting the reaction she wanted, which was me angry and losing my cool, she got nothing. I simply opened the self help book, glanced at the cover and set it down on the floor, with the briefest of thanks to make mention of it.

But this isn't really about her DISINGENUOUS gift giving. (Though she should really save her money and not bother, if not giving something from the heart.) It's about how SHE treats others and then expects to be treated. It's about the things she says and does that do not reflect the person she pretends to be. It's about the fact that I love her because she is my sister but do not like her very much at all, for how she continues to twist things to her own reality.

Which is why, since last summers major blowout, I have purposely distanced myself from her. I don't call, I don't go over, I don't act like a sister who shares her blood, her bonds, her past and her present. I'm a stranger who happens to be related because that is what she wants me to be. She chose my path and now claims to be angry that I'm walking in the direction of non-toxicity.

I've reached the point where I no longer care what it is she wants from me and have decided to live my life without her surplus of family drama and her Stacey is an evil bitch campaign. Cause no matter what I do, don't do, don't write, don't say, she's never going to be happy with it anyway ...

So I say to you my sister with all sincerity that I do love you. You're my blood. You're the mirror opposite of me. But I can't give you what you want. This blog isn't going to disappear. These words are never going to be written in invisible ink. You don't have the right or the power to tell me what I can and can't write about ... Past, present or future. But what you can do, if you find this all so upsetting, is STOP READING. The choice is yours ... Why don't you make it?

And just for future reference, this blog no longer allows anonymous content.